Impossible Girl
by Salix15
Summary: Sequel to The Princess of Denial. If you haven't read that it's highly recommended before reading this or else you won't know what's going on. Set a couple of weeks after Princess, Faith tries to figure out her new blossoming relationship with Buffy.
1. Chapter 1

"Gross you guys, I can hear you smacking," Dawn says and she sounds really fuckin irritated. I look over with a little smirk on my face 'cause I know exactly what she's talking about. Kennedy got home last night from another secret mission. She and Red haven't been able to keep their hands off each other but they're trying to be a part of Scooby movie night anyway. "I'm a child. You're supposed to be setting a good example for me."

"Yeah you guys," I say and I sound all agitated just like Dawnie but I can't wipe the fuckin smirk off my face. B looks over at me and she looks really fuckin confused. I love it when she gets that look on her face. Every time I see it I wanna kiss her. I can't think about that now, though. I need to finish what I was sayin. "What? She's right. Ken was using way too much tongue." I can practically hear all their fuckin eyes rollin in their heads. Yeah, I'm just that good.

"I do not use too much tongue," Ken says and she sounds like I just accused her of clubbin baby seals. That was a weird metaphor. Maybe I should stop spending so much time on the internet. It's starting to warp my mind. Anyway, I give her this 'are you on fuckin crack?' kinda look and she just gives me a little glare. She can be a bitch like that sometimes. Alright, if she wants to play, I'll fuckin play.

"Yeah, you do," I tell her like it was so fuckin obvious. And it was. Dawn normally doesn't notice when they make out during the movie 'cause she doesn't have slayer hearing. So if she picked up on it then Kennedy was using way too much tongue if they were making that much fuckin noise. "It looked like you were imitating a German Shepherd." As soon as those words leave my mouth, B gives me a smack on the arm.

"I was not. Stop making shit up, Faith," she says and now she's starting to get really pissed. I kinda can't believe this. She's actually getting pissed off at me instead of just play fighting like we always fuckin do. Hmm, looks like I hit some kind of nerve. Should I back off to keep the peace and let everyone get back to enjoying the movie? Nah, that just wouldn't be me.

"Ok, children, enough. Xander can't hear over your bickering," Red says and I glance over at Xander. He's not paying attention to a damn word we're saying. His eye look like there's something keepin it connected to the screen. I don't know why. There's nothing interesting happening. Nothing interesting ever happens in these movies. Fuckin chick flicks.

"Fine Red, we'll stop," I say and she looks a little relieved. It's not like I don't know why. Usually, when me and Kennedy start swappin insults, it goes on for a while and that's time that could be spent swappin spit with Red, ya know? "All I'm tryin to say is it looked like she was using your face to practice giving head." Buffy smacks me on the arm really fuckin hard and Kennedy throws a handful of M&M's at my face at the same goddamn time.

"Who's giving head?" Xander asks and finally pries his eye away from the T.V. Chloe, his girlfriend, gives him a little smack on the leg. Well, little for a slayer, painful for Xander. "Ow, what was that for? I didn't ask for details. I just want to know what they're talking about." Poor Xander, he just can't catch a fuckin break. Guess that's just what happens when you live in a house full of women.

"Faith, help me get some more sodas from the kitchen before someone gets seriously hurt," Red says and I can't help but roll my eyes. She's acting like this shit doesn't happen every day. Well, technically it doesn't. Normally, Kennedy and Chloe leave for weeks at a time but when they're here this is normal. Alright, so it's not normal. I've been makin fun of Kennedy more than I normally do. Probably 'cause I haven't been fighting with B as much.

Speaking of which, I look over at B and she looks into my eyes. She gives my hand a little squeeze, and I can't stop the little half smile that shows up on my face. What the fuck is that all about? B's the one who gives the girly half smiles, not me. I'm gonna have to really think about this 'cause B is starting to turn me into something else and I don't think I fuckin like it. The crazy thing is it doesn't feel bad, just different and kinda weird.

Anyway, we're sitting together on the couch, like we always do during Scooby movie night, but this time we have a blanket covering us up and we've been holding hands the whole time. No one's even noticed a thing. We're that fuckin good at this whole bein sneaky shit. We let go and I get up before anyone notices that little moment. I really don't feel like being called out right now, ya know? Dawnie's in the room and I don't know how she'd handle the news.

"So," Willow says as soon as we're in the kitchen and out of earshot. She always does this shit so it's not like I wasn't expecting it. Whenever she wants to talk to me about something she has me 'help her' with something that's conveniently in a different room. I don't think anyone else has picked up on that yet, though. Otherwise, they'd have their ears pressed up against the door. Or maybe not. I'm not sayin we have the most interesting conversations in the world, but that movie fuckin sucks hardcore. Listening to this would be an improvement.

"You and Buffy look like you're getting all snuggly-wuggly on the couch. Is there anything going on that I should know about?" God dammit, I guess we weren't as sneaky as I thought. Why do my neck and ears feel so fuckin hot? Great, I'm fuckin blushing. I can't believe this shit. "Aww, you're blushing." I glare at her, like give her a really mean fuckin death stare but all she does is smile. "You look like you're trying to melt me with your eyes. So there is something to tell." Dammit, Willow. Why does she have to know me so fuckin well?

"There's nothing to tell," I say and sit down on the stool. She's giving me that look like she doesn't believe me. Probably because I just tried to sell her a bunch of bullshit. Why do I always gotta do that to her? Well, this is a little different than it normally is. I've never done this kinda thing before and I wouldn't even know what to say. She gets a little smirk on her face and her eyes light up. Great, now she's gonna start reading into everything I say.

"Of course there's something to tell. You got that look in your eyes like you're trying to negotiate your way through a field of landmines." Funny, 'cause I feel like I'm being pressed against a wall with a knife to my throat, but I can see how she would get those two things mixed up. "Are you two dating now? Have there been smooches?" What are we, twelve fuckin years old? I didn't think she was gonna act like this. Now that I'm thinking about it, I totally should have. Guess that was just me being dumb.

"No, Red, it's not like that," I tell her and my voice sounds all fuckin weird. I sound all embarrassed and shit. I sound like a chick. What the fuck is that blonde doing to me? I'm not mad at her anymore for the shit that happened about three months ago. I was fuckin pissed for the first couple of weeks and wouldn't even talk to her. She said I turned her into a whore then accused me of getting her drunk and taking advantage. She was lucky I didn't lose control and go ape shit on her ass.

"Well, tell me what it's like," she says and she looks like a little puppy beggin for a treat. It makes me smile a little. I don't really know what to tell her though. About a week ago, I finally got over the whole thing. That morning at breakfast I gave her my last piece of bacon to let her know I was callin a truce. She got the message loud and clear 'cause that night when I got back from patrol there were six red roses lying on my pillow with a little card that said she was sorry.

"We're just starting to hang out again, that's all," I tell her and I know she isn't gonna fall for that shit. I knew it while I was sayin it. I hate that this isn't getting any easier. Getting information outta me about my feelings and all that bullshit is like pullin teeth with your bare fuckin hands. But Red knows that and she wouldn't be trying if she didn't care. You'd think I'd work a little harder to make it easier for her, but I don't.

"Don't try to give me that," she says but she doesn't sound irritated. She sounds like she was expecting it and she thinks it's funny I even tried. At least she gets it. These conversations would turn into fights every time if she didn't get me. "I know what hanging out looks like, and that wasn't just hanging out." I give her questioning look and she looks at me like I'm totally fuckin retarded or something. I don't get mad 'cause when it comes to this shit I kind of am. "There are definitely sparks flying between you two. You totally want to have each others' babies." I can't help but laugh. She's such a fuckin weirdo.

"I wouldn't go that far, but yeah ok, there are sparks. I just don't know what they mean, exactly." Her eyes light up again. I guess she's surprised I'm actually admitting to anything and she's totally fuckin happy about it. I feel my neck and ears get all hot again. Why the fuck is she doing this to me? I swear this woman likes to torture me. She doesn't do it in an obvious way so I can't tell anyone about it without sounding retarded but she's always fuckin with my head.

"Ok, as your best friend I think I should be the one to explain this to you," she says and she sounds like a total fuckin smartass. Guess I can't be too surprised since she's talkin to a total fuckin smartass. Anyway, she laces her fingers together, puts her hands down on the breakfast bar and kinda leans towards me a little bit. My eyes narrow to a glare but she doesn't back off. Guess she knows I won't do anything to her.

"You see, Faith, when two people share this special spark, that's called having chemistry. Not all people are attracted to each other like this, but when they are it makes them want to be close with this person. To build a strong emotional bond," she says and she has the weirdest fuckin look on her face 'cause she's trying so damn hard not to laugh. It's like her facial muscles are havin a fit or something and she's trying her hardest to control it.

"It makes them want to learn everything about the other person, to spend as much time together as possible. To open up and share things that they've never shared before," she says and what she's gonna say next must be HI-larious because she's trying really fuckin hard to hold in the laughter. I swear, Willow is the smartest person I know, but sometimes she can be really fuckin retarded. "And then get naked and have wild monkey sex." I reach over and push her face a little and we both start laughing our fuckin asses off.

"I heard that!" B yells from the living room and my eyes go fuckin wide. Oh shit, I forgot she was out there and has slayer hearing. God dammit son of a bitch! Now the whole fuckin house is gonna know that me and B got something going on. I'm probably wrong. I hope I'm fuckin wrong. I doubt anyone else is paying attention to our conversation, except for B 'cause she likes to eavesdrop. We're gonna have to be more careful about these conversations.

"Ok, all joking aside," Willow says and her voice is just a whisper. How fucked up is it that we're grown women and having to whisper like little kids in our own damn house? I guess that's just what happens when a Summers woman is in the vicinity. Dawn used to spy on me and B all the time when we were still friends back in Sunnydale. "You and Buffy love each other. You've already said it to each other, so I think it's about time you two get your acts together." My eyes roll when she says that. Like it's that fuckin simple.

"That's easier said than done, Red," I tell her and get up. I walk over to the fridge and grab a soda. I'm not that thirsty but I need something to keep my hands busy. B wants me to quit smoking and I told her I'd try to quit if she'd stop making me watch chick flicks. Yeah fuckin right. I'm sure if that ever happens hell will freeze over. "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. And she's just…." I trail off 'cause I honestly don't know how to put what I'm feeling into words.

"She's just what?" Red asks and she looks confused. I sigh and sit back down. Things with B haven't been going the way I thought they were going to. It's great hanging out with her again 'cause she's my friend and I missed her, but things are really fuckin different now. Like Red said, there's hanging out and then there's what me and B do. The only problem is I don't fuckin know what we're doing.

"She's just different," I say and take a long swig of my soda. I'm not that thirsty but anything to avoid talking about this would be really fuckin helpful. "Being around her now is kinda weird." It is weird. It's really fuckin weird. Don't get me wrong, I still like being around her. She's still B, ya know? But there's just something different, and it isn't just when we hang out. Patrolling is weird too, and even when we hang out with the Scoobs it's kinda awkward. Well, for me it is. B seems perfectly fine, and that's part of the problem.

"Is it weird because you're trying to hide what's going on between you two?" she asks and my eyebrows furrow a little bit. "Like, you don't feel comfortable trying to be all sneaky about it? I almost gave myself an ulcer in college trying to keep Tara a secret. That saying 'the truth will set you free' is a cliché for a reason." I guess that makes sense. Red likes to be open and honest about everything so trying to keep a relationship a secret would do some damage.

"No, it's not like that," I say and feel a little bit of guilt. Ok so maybe it's a little like that. I hate sneaking around and hiding things. I used to do that all the time and I went crazy, literally. I look down at my soda can. I don't know why but I just can't look at her right now. "I've never dated someone worth-while and I don't wanna fuck this up. But I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing, ya know?" I look up at her and she has that thoughtful 'Willow look' on her face.

"My advice?" she says and my ears perk up a little bit. Red has monogamy down to a T, and I'm just getting my feet wet. "Just relax and try to go with the flow. If you start over-thinking everything you're going to kill this before it even gets started. And talk to Buffy about it. She's probably just as nervous as you are. She's just really good at hiding it." 'Relax' and 'go with the flow'? That's what she's giving me? I was looking for something a little more specific.

"Baby, will you bring me another Sprite?" Ken yells out and instantly Dawn shushes her. Guess the movie is starting to get good 'cause normally she doesn't care if people interrupt. Willow reaches over and squeezes my arm a little. I let out a big sigh and fuck I didn't even know I was holding my breath. Now that I'm paying more attention my whole body feels kinda tense. I guess I do need to relax 'cause if being around B makes me feel like this from now on then this isn't gonna work.

Alright, I think I'm gonna take Red's advice this time. The last time she gave me some, I didn't listen at all and look what that got me: having to listen to Buffy and that cro-mag screwing like rabbits almost nonstop. God damn, even thinking about that gets my blood boiling in the worst fuckin way. I take in a deep breath when I open the fridge and grab another diet coke for B in case she wants one, and let it out really fuckin slow. I feel my muscles relax and I feel a little better. Just gotta keep my thoughts off that fuckin tool and everything will be ok.

We walk back into the living room and everyone has their eyes fuckin glued to the screen. I guess the movie is getting good if no one is even glancing up to see that we're back. Well, almost no one. B just glanced over and as soon as she sees the diet coke in my hand she gets a little smirk on her face. What the fuck was that all about? I'm gonna have to find out what that little smirk means because I get that same smirk on my face all the time right before I make fun of someone. So what the fuck did I do that she's gonna give me shit about?

I sit down next to her but not as close as I was before. If Red noticed that something is going on between us then the others might be suspicious too and B doesn't want them finding out just yet. Buffy really isn't fuckin helping out with that plan at all. She just shifted around a bit so now she's closer to me than she was before. I'm focusing on the T.V. now and praying that no one will look back at us because I can feel her breath on my ear and I know someone will ask what the fuck is up with her being this fuckin close.

"You are so whipped," she whispers and takes the diet coke from my hand. What the fuck did she just say to me? I am not fuckin whipped! I look over at her and I guess I look pissed 'cause she smiles again and I can tell she's trying not to laugh. God damn she looks so fuckin cute when she's trying not to laugh. Her cheeks get all flushed and she's got this smile on her face that's so big it looks like it hurts. But mostly it's her eyes. They got this little sparkle in 'em that isn't there most of the time. "I didn't even have to ask, you just brought me my favorite soda. It's sweet, and you're so whipped."

"What-the-fuck-ever," I whisper back and trust me I don't sound fuckin happy at all. I'm all confused and shit about what it is we're doing exactly and now she's tellin me I'm whipped and all its doing is making me even more confused and frustrated. I'm not fuckin whipped. I've never been whipped and I'll never be whipped especially not by Princess Pastels. Alright, I'll admit, I'm whipped just a little bit but I'm not the only one. Red keeps Ken on a pretty short leash and she's still cool. Besides, B isn't the only one with power in this…whatever the fuck we are. Let's see how she likes a taste of her own medicine.

I scoot away from her and get all comfy on the other side of the couch. There's enough room between us to fit another person. I prop my feet up on the coffee table and let out a little sigh. I can see her face outta the corner of my eye and she doesn't look happy. I try to watch her out of the corner of my eye without making it obvious but I think she knows I'm watching. She's a slayer too so she's pretty hard to fool. That doesn't mean I won't stop trying to fool her. One of these days I'll get the upper hand, B, one of these days.

Anyway, she looks all shocked and pissed off at first. Then she calms down and sits back against her spot on the couch. She crosses her arms over her chest and she focuses her attention on the T.V. I guess she's gonna try to ignore me, and she's making a big show of it too. Well, not to anyway who looks back but I can tell exactly what she's doing and it's pretty fuckin funny. So now you want a cold war, B, is that it? Alright, girlfriend if this is how you want it you better go put on some mittens 'cause you might get a little bit of frost bite.

I pretend to yawn. Like a really big 'oh my god I might drop right here' kinda yawn. I stretch out my arms above my head and arch my back. I see B look over and I have to force back the smirk that wants to come out. B has a thing for my chest. I lied to Willow back in the kitchen. We haven't just been hanging out. We made out for a while the other night when she snuck into my room to talk. For a while it was just kissing but then B's hands started to roam. She kept 'em above my clothes but once they found my tits she didn't let go for at least half an hour. Not that I was complainin 'cause it felt awesome.

"Are you getting tired, Faith?" Willow asks and I look over at her. She's got a little smirk on her face and I can tell she knows exactly what's going on. Well, maybe not exactly. She knows that me and B like to play little mind games with each other. We always have and that's how it's always gonna be. Red thinks it's cool that we're like this, totally immature and all of that shit, but pretty cool that we can just have some innocent fun. Well, as long as it doesn't lead to a real fight then she thinks it's cool. As soon as doors start slamming, she yells that we need to grow up.

"Yeah, Red, a little bit," I say and squirm around a little on the couch to make a big show of tryin to get comfortable. "The girls at the training house really wore me out today. Becky had me flat on my back in no time and pinned me down. We need to get the air conditioner fixed 'cause we were both all sweaty and breathin hard. And that was just the first round." Normally whenever me and B play these little mind games it's usually to see who can freeze out who the longest, but I'm not above a little creative thinking if it means I'm gonna win.

"Well maybe you should go to bed if you're so worn out," she says but she sounds hella distracted. She has that far off look in her eyes and I can tell her brain has checked out. I glance around the room and everyone has that same look on their faces. Well, everyone but Dawn and Chloe but they're straight so it's not like I was expecting to get 'em drooling over what I said. Dawn looks me dead in the eyes and if looks could kill I'd be a pile of ooze right now. I give her a little wink and she just rolls her eyes and goes back to watching the movie.

"And miss hanging out with you guys? I think I can manage to keep my eyes open 'til the end of this," I tell her but she isn't really listening. It takes a few more seconds for her to snap out of the little haze she was just in and I have a huge shit eating grin on my face. She doesn't look too happy with me but I don't really care. It's not like I was trying to get all of them to think about me on my back, sweaty and breathing hard. I was trying to get B to think about it and I did so mission accomplished.

Everyone goes back to watching the movie and the room is pretty quiet except for the sounds coming out of the T.V. After a few minutes of relative silence I make another big show of yawning and stretching. I make sure to arch my back real nice so B can have a nice view of my cleavage. I can tell it's starting to drive her crazy because she's lightly tapping her fingers against her thigh. She only taps her fingers against things when she's trying to bottle something up. Right now she's trying to stop herself from losing the game.

"I need chips, anyone else want anything?" I ask and everyone just shakes their heads no. Well, everyone but B. She looks like she's trying to not have a stroke. I don't know how the fuck a person would do that but whatever it is she looks like she's doing it. I get up and walk into the kitchen. I grab the bag of Spicy Nacho Doritos and hop up on the counter and wait. I stare at the clock on the wall and munch away at the chips. It won't be long, trust me. When it comes to this game I'm the fucking queen.

I'm only left waiting for two minutes before I hear her mumble something to the others and then she walks in after me. She looks irritated, like she's pissed as hell but I can see that little spark in her eye that lets me know she isn't mad, she's just pretending. Either that or it's the spark she gets in her eye right before she stakes a vamp and if that's the case I better haul my ass outta here before things get ugly.

"You're getting way too good at this," she says and walks up to me. The expression on her face goes from angry to something softer. I can't really place it, though. She looks…guilty would be my best guess but I'm not sure 'cause I've never really seen her look like that before. Maybe I should pull out my cell phone a take a picture of all her different facial expressions and have Willow label 'em so I can study. I think that would clear a lot of shit up. "And I'm sorry." Ok, I totally did not see that coming.

"I know you were just playing around but sometimes you play around to cover up what you're really feeling and I want to apologize in case I really did hurt your feelings," she says and she reaches out and puts her hands on my knees. She gives me a little look and I know what it means right away, no study guide needed. I part my thighs and B stands in between 'em. She wraps her arms around my waist and gives me a little peck on the lips. "You were being sweet to me and I shouldn't have made fun of that."

I can't help the soft smile that pulls at my lips. A smile like this is rare. It's not a smirk or a grin or anything snarky like that. This is a genuine smile that's pretty fuckin girly and I don't normally do this in front of other people. But I know B isn't gonna bring it up 'cause she already feels guilty about making that comment about me being whipped. She smiles right back and the look on her face changes from guilt to happiness. I love seeing that look and if it were up to me she'd always look like that, especially when she's between my legs 'cause her looking guilty while she's there might give me a complex, ya know?

"That's alright, B," I tell her and give her a little kiss on the lips. I've never really had these little kisses before. Whenever I would kiss someone I'd make it kinda rough. I really wanted 'em to feel it, ya know? But being with B is different and this is just one of those little differences that you would never really think about until it happens. I gently stroke her cheek with my free hand and I smile a little wider. She gets a look on her face like she's anticipating something sarcastic. She knows me too well. "And guess what." She quirks her eyebrow a little but stays quiet. "You are so fucking whipped."


	2. Chapter 2

"Faith, are you asleep?" I hear B whisper and a smile pulls at my lips. I fuckin hate it when she says that, which is why she says it every time she sneaks in here. Things are different between us now but some things are still the same. We love messing with each other and I don't think that's going to change. As long as she doesn't make fun of my accent 'cause that's a big fuckin 'no'. She did that before and I started talking like a valley girl and she got pissed and we fought and didn't talk to each other for three days.

"Yeah, B, I'm in a dead fuckin sleep. You might wanna come back later before you wake me up," I tell her and she giggles a little bit. Normally, I love hearing her giggle 'cause she sounds so young and carefree, but here in the dark it's reminding me of the time I watched Children of the Corn when I was like nine and that just ain't right. Before I have too much time to dwell on that, B shuts the door and runs across the room. She jumps on the bed and lands on her hands and knees. She bounces a couple of times before she finally makes her way up to me and lies down. She's normally not this hyper. She must've had too much candy during the movie.

"Hi," she whispers and giggles a little bit. Yep, way too much fuckin candy. Oh man, she's probably gonna be a nightmare to deal with in about half an hour when the sugar high starts to wear off and she gets pissy. She always gets pissy when she has a sugar crash and it's never fun. I might fake being really fuckin tired just so she'll go back to her room early. Before I can say anything back she leans over and kisses me. Mmm, her lips taste like strawberries and gummy-bears and that unique Buffy-taste I don't think I'll ever get used to but I really want to try.

"Hey," I tell her when the kiss ends. I don't know how I said that considering she kinda took my breath away. Yeah, I know that sounded totally fuckin mushy and girly or whatever but I couldn't help it. Sometimes a situation is just girly and this is one of 'em. Nothing I can do about it and even if there was I wouldn't 'cause I kinda like how this feels. Everything is relaxed, there's no big rush to hurry up and get things done so I can go to sleep. B makes me feel special, in the non-retarded sense of the word.

"'Hey' is for horses. You should know that," she says and giggles like crazy. Man, she is being such a freak right now, but I like it. She's adorable and if she keeps giggling I might start too. I haven't giggled since I was like, five, so it might be kinda interesting to find out how that sounds. I reach out and put my hand on her hip. It doesn't seem like much but it calms her down a little and she gets that dreamy smile on her face. Every time she looks at me with that smile I can't believe it 'cause those were the smiles that she always saved for her boyfriends, not for me.

"Yeah, and getting 'hi' is for stoners. Didn't think you got down like that B, but with the way you're giggling and shit, maybe I was totally wrong," I tell her and she starts giggling like it was planned or something. Seeing Buffy stoned would probably be really fuckin funny. I can't really picture even though I'm trying really fuckin hard but I know it would be funny as hell. I think I'm gonna have to make this shit happen. I'm sure Red would be able to hook me up. With all of the shit she buys for her spells I'm sure it won't be hard for her to track down some weed.

"I don't, silly. I'm just happy to see you," she says and smiles. Goddamn, what she just said is making my heart feel all fucked up. Like it literally skipped a beat and now it's beating a little faster to make up for it or something. Before I can stop it this little sigh escapes my lips and I wanna cringe because that sounded really fuckin girly and it just doesn't sound like me, ya know? But I guess I can let it slide for now because B's smile just got a little bigger. I like seeing B happy and if acting like a twitterpated teenager makes her happy than I'll act like it…behind closed doors.

I don't know what to say so I don't say anything. I close the almost nonexistent space between us and kiss her. It's soft and slow and it feels fucking amazing. It's not like we've had a lot of experience with this or nothing. There was that one night that started this all but we were both pretty drunk so it's all kind of a blur. Then there was the other night when she came in here and we made out for a while before she went back to her own room when things started to get a little too intense. And get this, she's not the one that stopped it, I did. Yeah, can you fucking believe that? 'Cause I'm having trouble believing it and I'm the one who did it.

"God your lips are so soft," B says when the kiss ends. She hasn't gone far though and I can feel her heavy breaths puff against my lips and cheeks. My lips are all swollen and shit and they feel fuckin hyper sensitive right now so even her breaths feel good. I smile at her and gently cup her cheek. I run my thumb over the soft skin and the look in her eyes changes a little bit. They look darker, and her pupils are getting a little bigger. I get the sudden urge to tell her that I love her and where the fuck did that come from?

Yeah, we're kissing and everything is feeling really intense and shit but I can't. I mean, we haven't even been on a date yet, isn't it too soon to be throwing that word around? And who says there's even going to be a date? The way she's been acting since we made up it's like she doesn't want anyone to know. It's gonna be kinda obvious that something is going on if we're getting dressed up hotter than usual and leaving the house together. Unless she wants to do that teenage bullshit of 'you leave now and I'll meet you in five minutes'. I don't think I can handle that.

Buffy kisses me but it doesn't feel good like it did before. I feel like I can't breathe, in a really fuckin bad way and I need to get a little space here. I fuckin hate how I'm acting right now. I have a hot chick in my bed right now, Buffy fucking Summers no goddamn less, and here I am panicking and feeling scared like some little virgin or something. I'm Faith, dammit, nothing can intimidate me. Except B when she's really pissed and holding a knife 'cause that shit is scary and you would be scared too if she tried to gut you once upon a time.

I try to shut my mind up and just relax. This is good, it's just kissing for god's sake. Seventh graders kiss, at least I did when I was in the seventh grade. Well when I bothered to show up. Anyway, I get my breathing under as much control as can be expected when I'm sucking face with someone. If she thinks my lips are soft, she has no damn idea how soft hers are. It feels like my own little piece of heaven, like a cloud or cotton candy or something but you don't get that weird sugary feeling after.

After a few minutes of the light and gentle kisses, I feel the tip of B's tongue slowly run along my upper lip. I open my mouth a little bit and she lightly runs it along the inside of my lip. It feels kinda weird but really fuckin awesome and before I can really enjoy it she pulls her tongue back into her mouth. I can't help the smile that breaks out on my face. She is such a fucking tease. I open my eyes and look at her for a second. She's looking back at me with a little glint in her eyes. Bitch, she's being a tease on purpose.

I shut my eyes and we go back to doing what we were doing. And damn this feels so fuckin good. If someone had told me five years ago that one day I'd have Buffy Summers in my bed and we'd be making out like a couple of teenagers I probably would've laughed in their fuckin face before kicking their teeth in for bothering me. I feel B start to play with the hem of my shirt. I guess she's going for second tonight and did someone just light a fire on the back of my neck 'cause it feels really fuckin hot in here.

The kisses get deeper when I feel her hand slip under my shirt. This is so fuckin weird. This is so not how I pictured this moment in my head and if you think I didn't think about making out with B all those years in prison then you're fucking retarded, in the non-special sense of the word. I always pictured me being the more aggressive one because hello! It's me we're talking about. But here this little blonde thing is making me sigh and swoon and feeling like a sixteen year old about to lose her cherry. And I guess it's kinda true 'cause this is different but I don't wanna say how it's different 'cause I'll sound like a total douche.

"Wait, B," I breathe out when I feel her hand start to move up towards my chest. Man, she isn't being very patient tonight. Guess she really wants to find out what they feel like without the shirt in the way. I don't blame her, they're awesome, but this is getting to be too much too fast and I feel like such a fucking idiot for telling her to stop. Buffy Summers is in your bed, you fucking retard! Her hand stops moving, but she doesn't take it out of my shirt. She pulls her head back just enough so she can look me in the eye and she looks a little confused.

"What is it?" she asks and she sounds pretty breathless. Damn, she looks so hot right now. She's panting and her face is flushed and her hair is kinda messy. I didn't even know my fingers were runnin through it. When did that shit happen? Ok, when my body starts doing things without me telling it to, I think that's when it's time to take a step back and calm down. "Faith, did I do something wrong?" Great, jackass, you've been quiet for too long and now she's all freaked out. Way to go. Now she probably thinks you don't wanna be with her or something.

"No, B, you didn't do anything wrong," I tell her and I sound just as breathless. Don't worry, B, it's not you. I'm just a great big freak. I have everything I could have wanted. I have friends, a nice roof over my head, steady meals that fill me up, and a hot chick in my bed who would probably fuck me if I just let it happen. So what the fuck is wrong with me that I just can't take it? Why the fuck can't I just be calm for five minutes and get lost in this goddamn moment that we both want to happen?

"It's just I…" don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to say. Think Faith, think! I need to say something quick 'cause she's looking at me with those eyes and it's driving me so fuckin crazy. They're so dark and the pupils are so fucking big and she's starting to look confused and maybe a little insecure. I know B better than she thinks I do and I know she's still insecure when it comes to sex. Can't really blame her though. Angel went evil, Parker was a tool. Enough said. I think I might be able to use that to my advantage right now. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to do this. We can take things slow if you want."

"You're so sweet to me," she says with a smile to match the swoony tone to her voice. She finally pulls her hand outta my shirt and I have to fight back the sigh of relief that wants nothing more than to escape my lungs. What the fuck is up with that? Anyway, B wraps her arms around me in a hug and rests her forehead against mine. "What did I do to deserve you?" You don't deserve me. You deserve someone who won't lie to you, like I just did. 'Course I'm not gonna say that out loud or nothing 'cause I'm not ready for that conversation.

"I think the same thing sometimes," I tell her and she gets a questioning look on her face. I guess that did come out kinda wrong. "I mean, sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you, like you could do so much better than me." The cro-mag was better than me. He wasn't just a really nice guy, he treated her right, he had a really good job so he would've been able to give her the stuff she needs. I wait tables part time at a little diner, how am I supposed to help her out financially if this gets serious?

"Sometimes…" I start to say but then I stop. Should I tell her this? Is this something she's gonna wanna hear? Then again we're supposed to be in a relationship or we're going to try to be in a relationship, the plan or whatever isn't so clear right now. But I should at least try to tell the truth even if it hurts a little. "I dunno, sometimes I think you should've tried to work it out with…," she puts her finger on my lips to stop me. She doesn't look pissed off which I'm glad about. The last thing I wanna do is fight with her.

"Things wouldn't have worked out with him, Faith, even if we never hooked up," she says and she sounds so sure of herself but she also sounds a little sad. I guess she hasn't forgiven herself yet. "I've known, Faith. I've always known that I have feelings for you. But being the slayer made me different, and being gay would have made me even more different. Then everything…happened, and I couldn't think about it because it hurt too much. So I shut down and focused on Angel.

"Even after you came back to help us I didn't think it would have worked out because there was so much baggage between us. Marcus is a good guy and I hate that I hurt him." She's quiet for a second and I can tell she's trying to fight back the guilt. B has such a guilt complex about everything. I wonder when she's going to learn to let that go. "But I'm glad that it happened." Ok, really wasn't expecting her to say that. Wasn't expecting any of this, but especially not that. "It forced us to finally be completely honest with each other." I gently rub her back with one of my hands. I hate that she looks so sad now. Maybe a slight subject change will help.

"So why now?" I ask in a whisper. I kinda wish she won't hear it because I'm a little afraid of the answer. I think this is one of those things that if she gets it wrong I might not be able to be with her. I don't know why I feel that way about it but its fuckin true. She furrows her eyebrows a little and I smile a little. She always does that when she's confused and it's so fuckin cute. "With all of our baggage and everything that happened, why do you think we can handle each other now?" I went out of my fucking way to avoid the word relationship. I don't know what she thinks this is yet and I don't wanna scare her off.

"You. You changed my mind. You changed it a long time ago, I just didn't think you had any feelings for me," she says and she looks calmer now. The worry lines are gone because she doesn't look all guilty anymore. Now she just looks…I dunno, I guess content would be the right word. She looks peaceful here in my arms. Why the fuck did I have to panic? She's been in my bed for almost an hour and we still have our clothes on. This is bullshit and it's all my fault. But this talking thing isn't so bad. Hearing what she has to say is making me feel more confident about this whole situation.

"You've been trying so hard to change and you have. You're more responsible, even when we go out, you don't drink as much as you used to. You have your self-respect back. But it isn't just that." She stops talking and she bites her bottom lip. I know exactly what that means. She wants to say something but she's afraid to say it. I guess she's afraid how I'll react because she's looking straight into my eyes and it's intense, like she's searching for something. I guess she found what she was looking for 'cause she just let out a little breath.

"I knew for sure that morning after we…ya know? When I was saying all of those awful things to you I could tell how mad you were getting, I could see it. Your hands kept balling up into fists and you looked like you wanted to hit me as hard as you could. But you didn't. You tried to make me see reason, you tried to explain your side but I wouldn't listen and you didn't try to force me. If any of that had happened in Sunnydale, even after you got out of prison, we would have been beating on each other within five minutes, but that didn't happen. So I don't just think, I know we can make this work."

I don't say anything and I don't feel pressured too. I guess she knows I need a few minutes just to think. Or maybe she's just tired of talking. She did do a lot of it just now. This has gotta be disappointing as hell for her. She came in here looking for fool around and instead we start talkin like a couple of teenage girls. But, I dunno, I feel better now. I feel like a weight has been lifted. She said 'we can make this work', so she wants there to be something serious. We aren't just fooling around, fumbling under our clothes to find some meaningless release. She wants there to be an 'us'. Wait a fuckin minute.

"How come you don't want to tell our friends about this?" I ask and I try as hard as I fuckin can to make that sound like I wasn't accusing her of something. But deep down I know I am. She just said exactly what I wanna hear and there's this little part of me in the back of my mind that thinks maybe she's just trying to play me. Maybe the situation is finally reversed. I finally found someone I really care about and wanna be with but since I've fucked over so many people I don't get to be happy. She's just using me for sex or whatever. I know that sounds retarded but I can't shake the feeling.

"There wasn't anything to tell yet," she says with a little shrug. She doesn't look mad so she either didn't pick up on my tone or she's forcing herself to stay calm. Either way I'm glad this isn't gonna turn into a fight. I really don't think I could handle that right now. "Plus I wasn't sure if you wanted them to know. I mean, I don't know what you want this to be. I don't know if you think of me the same as I think of you. I just…I don't know." Now she looks scared and insecure. She looks how I feel and I feel bad now for making her feel that. I'm glad that she didn't hesitate, though. I finally have the one thing from her I've always wanted: her trust.

"I want you, B," I say and it feels like I said that all wrong. "Not like, in a sex way." She raises an eyebrow and gets a dirty smirk on her face. She's been hanging out with me way too much. I can't help but chuckle a little bit at the thought of that, and it relieves some of the tension that's been building up. I'm glad. It was starting to get a little hard to breathe. "Alright, I do, but not just in a sex way. I want to be yours, ya know? And I want you to be mine. I just don't know how to do that. I've never been in a relationship before. Well, not one that mattered. I'm just so afraid I'm going to fuck this up. I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," she says really fuckin quick. She looks like she means it, like she really believes it but I'm not so sure. I give her a skeptical look and she lets out a big sigh. "Ok, so you might, but being in a relationship isn't as hard as you're making it sound. It's not like you have to fight dragons or storm castles or whatever it was Mario had to do to save the princess and get laid." I can't help but crack the fuck up when she says that. Goddamn, she has been spending way too much time with me. It kinda fuckin rocks.

"What I mean is there are a lot of obvious things you're not supposed to do. Like, don't tell me my jeans make me look fat, or call me ugly or pull my hair. Well, that last one could be more of a judgment call. If I'm in the kitchen drinking coffee don't sneak up behind me and pull my hair like a ten year old. If we're in the throws and getting a little carried away and you think I can handle it that's up to you." Wow, I totally never thought B could talk about sex and not blush. I guess I'm learning a lot tonight.

"What about you?" I raise my eyebrow and she just rolls her eyes. I know what she's talking about, I just wanna avoid talking about it. I don't know why I want to avoid it. It's a pretty good idea, ya know, lying down ground rules and all that shit, but I don't know. Everything feels like it's happening so fast and I can't make it slow down. Like I'm stuck on a train and it passed my stop hours ago but it won't let me off. "What are your obvious no-no's that I probably already know but wanna hear anyway?" I would tease her for what she just said but I don't think I have it in me right now.

"I dunno," I say and shrug a little. She gives me that little look that says 'well think about it for more than two seconds'. I guess I know her looks pretty good after all. We have been really close friends for the last couple years. I don't know why I'm so fucking afraid of being in a relationship with her. Well, I guess because if it doesn't work out I'll lose everything and I think that might be too big of a risk. "I think the big one you already know is: don't hide my cigarettes." She gives me a look like she's totally not amused.

"Yeah, right, like that's ever gonna happen. And I don't touch your icky cancer sticks. The anti-cancer fairies hide them from you to stop your lungs from rotting from the inside out." Ok, that was a pretty brutal description but a person's bad habits aren't just gonna go away over night. That shit takes time and I'm not ready to give it up yet, ya know? "I think I already know the big ones, but feel free to correct me." I might take her up on that. "Never, ever give away the last of your cereal." That makes me laugh a little. "Never borrow your boots without asking. Never borrow one of your knives without asking, and never tell Kennedy it's ok to play your X-box when you're not here."

"Sounds about right, but you forgot a couple," I tell her and she gets this look on her face like she's trying really hard to be patient but I know she's dying to find out. The mood in the room is finally starting to shift back to pleasant so I don't wanna make it all tense again but we're laying down ground rules so I need to bring up some big sore spots. She already knows not to bring it up, but things might be different. She might think that because we're together she has a right to know, but she doesn't. At least, not yet.

"I know we're gonna have to hash this shit out eventually but I'm not ready to go over what went down in Sunnydale," I say and she gets a very serious look on her face. I don't need to explain which parts because she already knows. She already knows I mean killing Finch and turning to the Mayor, and then killing that professor in cold blood because the Mayor wanted me to. The stuff that happened after prison I can talk about just fine, but before? No fuckin way. "Or what happened in prison. I'm just not ready to go over it yet, ok?" She brings her hand up and starts stroking my hair. I can't help but smile 'cause it's such a 'Buffy' thing to do.

"Yeah, ok," she says and she sounds like she really means it. I'm glad. If she were only saying it to go along with what I'm saying now then I think it might start a fight. But she really means it so she's not going to be all over me about it in a few days. "Faith, I forgave you for all of that a long time ago. I've come to terms on my own with most of it. So there's no pressure. Whenever you're ready we'll talk, alright?" I nod my head 'cause I feel like if I try to talk right now I might start crying and I don't wanna look like a pussy in front of her.

"I think I should get back to my room," she says and looks over at the clock on the nightstand. "It's way passed late." I can't help but smile. Damn, she knows me way too fuckin well. Whenever Sunnydale: the olden days are even mentioned by anyone I need space, especially away from her. She's trying to give me space but the weird thing is I don't want it. "I have to be up early tomorrow. I have that…thing at the training house." She doesn't, she's just trying to make her excuse not about me. She doesn't wanna make me feel uncomfortable. She lets go of me and starts to scoot towards the edge of the bed but I grab her arm. She looks into my eyes and she looks pretty fuckin surprised.

"You can stay in here tonight if you want," I tell her and that surprised look doesn't go away. It's not like we've never shared a bed before and I don't mean in a sex way. Yeah, we did that once, but what I meant is sometimes when she sneaks in here in the middle of the night and we just talk she falls asleep because she's too tired to walk the eight feet down the hall to her bedroom. I'm starting to think maybe she was just trying to stay close to me, but I don't wanna bring it up tonight. "The bed's comfortable, and you have your own pillow and everything." I try to break some of the tension and it worked a little bit. She's not in shock anymore, but she's definitely not as playful as she was when she came in here.

"Yeah, I know," she says and crawls under the covers. I do the same and it only takes her like two seconds to snuggle up to me. I guess now that we know exactly what this is she's not going to pretend like she doesn't wanna be this close to me. Hopefully she isn't like this all the time 'cause I don't know how the fuck I'll deal if she gets clingy. "You might want to be careful, though. If you keep treating me this special I might get spoiled." I can't help but laugh a little and I wrap my arms around her. Fuck it feels so good to finally be able to fall asleep with her in my arms. I'll never say that out loud but it feels damn good.

"You're already spoiled, B, you just won't admit it," I tell her and she gives me a little slap on the ass and I squeal. Yeah, I fuckin squealed, how retarded is that? I couldn't help it, though. She totally caught me by surprise. "Hey, you keep those hands in neutral places, B. I know it's hard 'cause I'm wicked hot and you totally want me but nothing dirty is gonna be happening in this bed tonight. Not even if you beg." Fuck, why the fuck did I just challenge her? What the fuck is wrong with me? I swear, I need to have my head checked.

"Don't worry, your virtue is safe," she says and she lets out a little laugh. Damn, that sounded hella cute and it made my heart feel all fucked up again. I really hope that doesn't start happening all the time 'cause I might develop some type of condition and that wouldn't be good, ya know? 'Cause then B would have to be less happy so my heart wouldn't feel like that and I don't think I'd be able to handle that. Fuck, this chick is turning me into a total softy. I think she was right during the movie, I am totally fucking whipped. She kisses me on the lips and it snaps me outta my thoughts. "Goodnight, Faith."

"Goodnight, B," I tell her and leave a little kiss on her lips. I look into her eyes for a few seconds but then she closes her and rests her head down on my pillow. Any other person tried to do this, besides Willow, and they'd be fucking kicked through that window so damn fast it would make their head spin. What is it about B? Why is she so damn special? It isn't just me. It's everyone around her that thinks so. Except for Dawnie, but that's expected. Hell, why am I even thinking about this? She's with me, not any of them, so maybe I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth and just enjoy it. Yeah, I think I'll do that instead.


	3. Chapter 3

"You're lying. There's no way you're telling the truth. It just isn't possible," B says and she sounds like she's getting all huffy. I love it when she gets like that even if it is kind of annoying. And by 'kind of' I mean 'really fucking'. We've been patrolling for like an hour now but we might as well be at home knitting for all the vamps and or demons care. It's fuckin rude if you think about it. We come out here and give up time we could be spending doing something fun and they don't even bother to show up. Great, now I sound like B. That's just fucking great. Anyway, back to what we were talking about.

"I'm not lying. Last time I went in there Sal gave me the doughnuts and a cup of coffee for free." She shakes her head like she still doesn't believe me, and I can't help but smile. I haven't had a pointless fight with her in a long time. It feels good, like everything is starting to go back to normal. Except things are different 'cause now when B sneaks into my room in the middle of the night we make out instead of talk, which is a more productive use of our time if you ask me.

"But the last time you went there you picked up three boxes of doughnuts. There's no way in hell he gave you three dozen doughnuts for free. And he acts like that coffee was made by god, there's no way he just handed it out without a price." Damn, she's starting to get hella irritated now. It's good to know I haven't lost my touch I've been so out of practice. Next time I wanna get back at B for doing something really fucked up I need to find a different way. Freezing her out and not talking to her was punishment for both of us.

"Well the bible does say to be charitable," I tell her and she lets out a big ass sigh. I guess I better end the torture before she really starts to freak out because that isn't fun and we both end up with a really bad headache. I get one from her nagging and she gets one from the lack of oxygen to her brain. "He's a guy, B. It's not like its brain surgery or nothin. One of your shirts got mixed up in the wash by accident and I didn't know it was yours at first and it was wicked tight on me, and I didn't wear a bra that morning." She shakes her head a little and then she goes really quiet. She gets that far off expression on her face like she always does when she thinks and I just wait her out.

"You know, now that we're dating I don't think it's appropriate for you to use your womanly-wiles on other people," she says and I can't help but crack the fuck up. "Womanly-wiles", where does she come up with that shit? "I mean it. Whenever I check you out I have to be all sneaky about it or you make some dumb comment, but you let Sal ogle you all he wants for free. It just doesn't seem fair." Goddamn, she sounds like an irritated five-year-old who doesn't wanna share her toys.

"It wasn't for free. A dozen doughnuts is fourteen bucks plus sales tax and I got away with three of 'em, and the five dollar cup of coffee he didn't charge me for." She gets a slightly panicked look on her face 'cause what I said makes perfect sense but she'll never admit it. Alright, it's time to change the subject 'cause I'm starting to feel like a whore. "Besides, I didn't think you were the jealous type, B. Are you gonna get all possessive and violent every time some guy checks out my rack? 'Cause we might not be able to go out in public together if that's the case."

"I'm not jealous or possessive," she says a little too defensively. Damn, I was just kidding, but if she really is the jealous type that might put a huge cramp in my style. That'll mean no more flirting at the club to get free drinks, no more showing off way too much cleavage just for the hell of it, and no more playing gay chicken with Willow. Fuck that shit. If B thinks she owns me now she has another thing coming. Her name isn't tattooed anywhere on my body, she doesn't own me, this isn't 1822. I haven't worked this hard to save my soul just to be her little bitch.

"Really? 'Cause you're startin to sound like a cro-mag to me," I tell her and she gives me a weird look. I have no fuckin clue how to describe it but it can't be all bad since she doesn't look mad anymore. She grabs onto my wrist and stops walking. I stop too 'cause it was either that or get my hand ripped off. Alright, she isn't holding on that tight, but I'm all pissed off now so it seems worse, ya know? Like when you're out on patrol and some big nasty demons hits you in the head with its fist that feels like it was made of fuckin iron or something and you go home wanting nothing more than to sleep off the pain and the chick in the next room won't turn down her favorite Madonna album. Wow, that was really fuckin detailed.

"I was just joking," she says and I raise my eyebrow at her and she knows exactly what the fuck I'm trying to say without actually saying it. It means 'yeah fuckin right'. "I was…partially." She gets a guilty look on her face but for whatever reason it's not making me feel better. Back before this whole 'dating' thing if she got guilty about something because of me I felt good about it, like I won the game or something. But this doesn't feel like that at all.

"Look, Faith, I'm still not sure how all of this works," she says and I give her a confused look. Mostly 'cause I have no idea what the fuck she's talking about. "This whole dating-another-woman thing." Ah, well at least she clarified it for me instead of being an ass and making me feel stupid. She does that sometimes just for fun. "I don't want to be one of those jerks who smothers you and makes you feel like you can't be yourself but on the other hand if my boyfriend told me he flirted with some little chippy to get free pastries and coffee there would be groveling involved. I just don't know how I'm supposed to act." At least I'm not the only one that was totally fucking lost.

"I dunno, B. I guess I could understand you getting all jealous and clingy if I was flirting with someone hot and bragged about it in front of you." Now that I'm saying it out loud I can admit only to myself that I was being a tool. Who wants to hear about their girl flirting with someone else? No one, that's who. "But it's Sal, the guy's like seventy-eight. He has liver spots and varicose veins. It's not like ya have to be worried about something happening." She gets that guilty look on her face but she also looks embarrassed. I guess she knows how retarded she sounded just now.

"I guess I overreacted a little," she says and looks down at her feet. She's blushing a little bit and it's fucking adorable. Man, this girl is turning me into a total chick and I don't think I mind. I mean, I mind a little 'cause if I turn into a total chick that might require a wardrobe change and that shit could get expensive. I'm not too worried about the other stuff, though. She knows I'm only gonna act all soft and shit in front of her, but when other people are around I got a rep to uphold, ya know? She doesn't care, and it's not like she'd wanna make out in front of everyone anyway.

"You totally overreacted. But that's alright. Let's just finish up patrol," I tell her and she gives me a little smile. I guess that's her way of thanking me for not making it a big issue. That could've turned into a fight, but I'm learning how to let shit go. We had a talk the other night in my bedroom and now I know where we stand. We both want to be together, as in a full-on committed, adult relationship, with sleepovers in my room and everything. Ever since she told me what she wants and I told her what I want I haven't been as tense around her which is good 'cause I think I was starting to develop a stomach ulcer.

"Do you ever wonder why we're the ones who still have to patrol almost every night?" she asks and we start walking again. Tonight the sky is crystal fuckin clear and if we weren't in a cemetery this could be classified as romantic by any chick's standards. What is it with women and wanting to walk out in the moonlight? I think that's pretty fuckin weird. Anyway, I glance over at her and raise an eyebrow and she just gets this kinda annoyed look on her face. "We have thirty slayers at the training house that are ready to do routine patrols. Why do you think Giles is still insisting we do it?"

"Oh come on, B, you can't tell me you don't get a rush out of this," I tell her and she rolls her eyes just like she used to back in Sunnydale whenever I talked about loving the thrill of the slaying. Alright, I guess this is just another one of those sore spots we gotta work on. "Red proved it and everything, B, remember?" She shakes her head a little bit and I can't help but roll my eyes. She's such a sore fuckin loser. She can't even admit she was wrong even when there's all that proof. Well, not boat loads of proof but tests were done.

Last year, Willow wanted to find out if slaying really does have an effect on our bodies or if it was all in our heads and I was fuckin right. When we fight a shit load of adrenaline is released into our blood, and when we stake a vampire or slay a demon a shit load of hormones with big ass names that I can't remember are released and it's like a natural high. Seriously, I don't know why people do drugs they could just slay or sky dive or whatever instead, but little Miss Stake Up Her Ass doesn't wanna admit she was wrong.

"Ok, sometimes there's a chemical reaction after a really big fight," she says and I can't believe she's willing to admit that much. B's just been full of surprises the last couple of weeks. Kinda makes me wanna say weird shit just to see how she'll react. "But I don't think slaying is fun like you and some of the other slayers do. This isn't supposed to be a game of who can slay the most vampires in a night or who can kill the biggest demon the quickest." She stops talking but I can tell she's thinking real deep now so I better keep my mouth shut or she might get pissy.

We keep walking around the cemetery but she's not really paying attention. I can feel some vamps wandering around here somewhere but they can wait. B's busy contemplating and I wanna give her some time to think 'cause she sounded like she was getting a little upset. I make sure to keep a close eye out 'cause with her off in 'Buffy-land' a vamp or demon could get the jump on her and I don't want anything bad to happen to her. I'm not sayin she needs a babysitter or nothin. She's a hell of a slayer and can take care of herself but since we started getting closer I developed this need to keep her safe. It's fuckin weird.

"Sometimes I still wish I could be normal," she says after a few minutes of silence. She whispered it but I could hear it only 'cause I have slayer hearing. If I were just another normal Joe I wouldn't have heard anything at all. I glance over at her and she's looking down at the ground. She's got that guilty look on her face again and I don't fuckin like it. "I wish I could have a normal job and live in a nice house. Maybe have some kids one day." Oh man, please tell me she doesn't wanna settle down in the middle of suburbia with a white picket fence.

"And be a self-loathing suburbanite that's addicted to anti-depressants in a loveless marriage and never have sex? Yeah, sounds awesome," I tell her and I sound sarcastic as hell. She looks over at me and holy fuckin shit she looks pissed. Maybe I shoulda kept my mouth shut. Fuck that shit, I shouldn't be afraid to say anything to her just in case she gets pissed. I'm not gonna stop speakin my mind just 'cause she can be short-tempered.

"Not everybody's like that, Faith," she says and she sounds just a pissed as she looks. Fuck, I hope this doesn't start a fight. She lets out a big sigh and her whole demeanor changes. She muscles get tense and her face is tight. I really fuckin hope she isn't about to shut down on me. We opened up to each other a couple nights ago and I really wanna be able to do that with her more often. Sounds stupid but knowin that she's willing to open up makes me feel special, I guess. She doesn't open up to a lot of people. "My mom wasn't like that." Fuck, I'm retarded.

"No, B, your mom wasn't like that at all," I tell her. She still looks really pissed but she looks really sad too. She doesn't really talk much about her mom with anyone. Even when Dawnie brings her up B will talk for a minute or two and then change the subject. I wish I could help her but I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to say. My mom was nothin like Joyce so it's not like I can say I know what she's going through.

"Maybe you're right, though," she says and lets out a little sigh. I wish I knew what was up with the sighing. She normally doesn't do that and it's kinda freaking me out. "My dad cheated on my mom and they got divorced." I know a little bit about that. B never told me about it but back in Sunnydale when I stayed with B's mom at Christmas Mrs. S had a couple glasses of wine and started talkin to me like we were friends or something. I got a lot of dirt on B's dad that I'll never tell her 'cause she just doesn't need to know.

"Maybe a happy life just isn't possible," she whispers and she sounds like she's getting really fuckin depressed. She's starting to bum me out and not just because of what she's saying. If she really thinks she's never gonna be happy then what the fuck are we doing? She's makin me feel, I dunno, invisible I guess. She's practically sayin I'm never gonna be able to make her happy, so what's the use of trying? I know better than that, though. She just gets a little down sometimes and I wanna cheer her up. Or at least try.

"I think it's possible," I tell her and slowly hold her hand. We haven't really done the hand holding shit, at least not out in public and I dunno if she's gonna be comfortable with it or not. I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with it either. She looks over at me and I give her a little smile but she doesn't smile back. She looks a little confused. "Guess it just depends on how ya define happiness. Most people think their nice houses and shiny cars are gonna make 'em happy. They spend most of their lives stressin out to get their stuff then they spend the rest of their lives stressin out tryin to keep it all. That's not really happiness, ya know?"

"Wow," she whispers out and I look over at her. She looks shocked and I know she's faking it. Well, maybe not all of it, but she's making her face look even more shocked than what she's really feeling. I know because she's also tryin not to smile. "Who are you and what did you do with the real Faith? Are you another one of Warren's robots? 'Cause if you are that was pretty deep for something that's supposed to be nothing but a toy." Robot, what the fuck is she talkin about? And who says I can't be deep? I can be deep.

"I don't like to brag about it like most people but I can be insightful when I wanna be," I tell her and she chuckles. I'm glad I put her in a better mood. She was starting to suck the energy right out of this patrol and it's pretty fuckin dead already. It's still really fuckin dead. There haven't been any vampires tonight. The ones I felt a little while ago are gone now. They probably saw us coming and ran off like a couple little pussies. I hate that the vamps know what we look like and are fuckin scared of us.

"Oh yeah?" she says and I can hear her smile. It's kinda crazy how you can hear someone smile without lookin at 'em to know that they're smiling, but I can just tell that she is. Guess that's what happens when you know someone long enough. "So tell me Great Wise One, what else do you have insight on?" I can't help but laugh a little and she giggles. Man, I really fuckin love that sound. You have no idea. And if she's gonna mess with me than maybe I should mess with her a little. Ya know, try and keep the mood light and shit.

"I won't go too deep, gotta keep the mystery about me goin," I tell her and she laughs a little but I can tell she just rolled her eyes. I don't care though 'cause she laughed and that was the point. "But I do think you're going about this all wrong." I glance over at her and she gives me that little confused look that I think is so fuckin cute. "I mean, you're walking around on a gorgeous night holding hands with a hella hot chick and you're busy talkin. I think if you made a move you might get a little action."

I look into her eyes for a couple of seconds and wink. Yeah, that's right, I just fuckin winked and by the look on her face I'd say it was sexy as hell. Her cheeks just flushed and now she's staring at the ground while we keep walking. Maybe I was wrong, maybe she didn't think it was sexy and I just embarrassed the hell out of her. I don't think B is the kind of chick that likes foolin around outdoors. I'm pretty sure she's more of a 'behind closed doors' kinda girl. At least that's what this five minutes of near silence is starting to make me think.

Should I apologize for crossing the line? I normally don't apologize for being sexual 'cause she knows that's just how I am. But things are different now. We're a couple or whatever so the rules have changed and I don't really fuckin know where I stand and it's starting to throw me off. Yeah, we had that talk so now I know what I mean to her and I know that this more than just a fling or whatever, but that doesn't mean things are gonna be the same except we're making out more. Outta fuckin nowhere she grabs me by my arms and pins me to the side of the mausoleum we were about to pass by.

"What the fuck?" I ask and trust me I sound surprised as hell. Is she that pissed off at me she's gonna try to kick my ass? Maybe when we were laying down ground rules I should've said no more hitting but I thought that shit was a given. We haven't been violent towards each other since Sunnydale, except when we spar, but that's just for fun, ya know? I look into her eyes and she doesn't look pissed. She looks…like she's about to cause some trouble. She smirks and I raise my eyebrow 'cause I've never seen her act like this before.

"What's with the shocked look? I'm just making my move," she says and she sounds so fuckin innocent and sweet. It's totally contradicting what she looks like right now. That little gleam in her eyes is borderline devilish and I really fuckin like it. My skin feels like it's being set on fire but in a good way. If there is such a thing as a good way your skin could be set on fire. Damn, I gotta stop thinkin 'cause she's lookin at me with those eyes and it's making my head and heart feel all fucked up. "Am I being too aggressive? I know you like to be on top." The look in her eyes is telling me it doesn't matter what I like 'cause she's in charge right now.

"Nah Princess, you go ahead and be all dom. I think it's kinda cute," I tell her and my patented smirk crawls across my lips. B gets this fiery look in her eyes like she gets when our sparring starts to get a little out of control and fuck that is hot! See, this is what we do best. We push each other's buttons and drive each other crazy. Why in god's name did I think I had to change our ways just because we're dating? I'm so fuckin dumb sometimes. "Just try to go easy, wouldn't want ya to break a nail."

Oh fuck, I think that did it. She lets go of my left arm and runs her fingers through my hair. She grabs a fist full in the back but she doesn't pull too hard. I guess she's afraid of hurting me or maybe she isn't as practiced in this whole dominating role as she's letting on. But man it is fuckin hot. I never thought I'd ever let someone do this to me but here this little blonde chick is, pressing me up against a wall, pulling my hair and making me like it. How did I get so fuckin lucky?

When I see her lean forward I do the same and our lips meet in the middle. The kiss is slow and pretty gentle for the act we were just puttin on. It's almost like our lips aren't with the rest of the program and they just wanna get reacquainted on their own terms. I run the tip of my tongue along her bottom lip and she lets out this little sigh through her nose and I don't know why but that little sound is making my knees feel all weak. Fuck, she is turning me into a total fuckin chick. I really don't think I have a problem with that, though.

I don't know if this is how she usually is when she's feeling all dom or if it's something about me but she is really getting into this. She's pressed up against me all snug and tight and I can feel her body heat through our clothes. She's kissing my lips like they got the last bit of water inside of 'em and we've been lost in the desert for days. And I can feel these little moans comin from her that are barely loud enough to hear but I can feel 'em vibrating against my lips and tongue. It feels so fuckin good and I think this thong and these pants are fuckin ruined.

She keeps pullin on my hair but not harsh or anything like that. Nah, her fingers keep tightening around it and then relaxing. She's got this nice little rhythm going and it's sending little tingles down my spine. I never thought just kissing someone up against a wall could feel so fuckin good but it does. I guess it's because I'm not just with anyone. If she were anyone else I'd be the one callin all the shots, but it's Buffy and that's the only reason I can think of why she's driving me so fuckin crazy and we haven't even gotten to second yet.

Maybe I should be the one to step things up a bit. I know B is feelin in the mood to dominate or whatever but I can't let her think I'm just gonna sit here and be submissive. I don't want her thinkin that she has me wrapped around those pretty little fingers of hers. I know that I'm pretty much completely whipped by this little woman but the longer I can keep her from figuring that out the better things are going to be. So I slowly run my fingertips along the skin of her stomach right under the hemline of her shirt. She lets out another one of those knee-weakening sighs but her whole body tenses up and I don't think that's a good sign.

"You mind if I join the party?" I hear someone say. Someone that's not me and someone that's not Buffy. Who the fuck is here? I pull my head back to see what the fuck is going on and it slams against the wall. Damn, I forgot she has me pinned up against the side of a mausoleum. Fuck, that really fuckin hurt. Over B's shoulder I see the ugly-ass face of a vamp already in game face and he's standing right behind her. How the fuck did he get so goddamn close without us knowin it? Our slayer senses must be off their game tonight. That's gotta be what's going on.

Before either of us can respond either verbally or physically he sinks his teeth into B's neck. Why the fuck did she wear her hair up? She should know not to do that shit on patrol. Maybe if I had kept my damn mouth shut the other day when she wore it back instead of telling her that her wearing it up makes her look hella sexy she wouldn't be wearing it up right now. Fuck, I am so stupid. The vamp only gets one good sized gulp of her blood down before I jump into action. I grab my stake outta my pocket and reach around and stab it through his heart.

I really wanted to beat the living fuck out of him first but B was looking at me with her eyes again and they looked really fuckin scared. I couldn't just push her aside to get the shit out of him for payback when she's looking so…I dunno, vulnerable I guess is a good word. It's more than that though. She looks pissed and scared at the same time. I gotta be lookin the same way even though I'm trying really hard to hide it. I'm pissed that she got hurt and it's my fuckin fault for distracting her, and I'm scared as fuck because he could have just snapped her neck and killed her if he really wanted to.

When the vamp turns to dust, B falls forward and I catch her in my arms. She's shaking and letting out these weird little noises with every exhale and it's unsettling. I've never heard her make a noise like that before and I don't know what to do. Fuck, this is all my fault. She wasn't supposed to patrol with me tonight she was supposed to patrol with Kennedy but I changed the schedule so we could spend some more time together. I knew this relationship thing was going to come back to bite us in the ass. I don't think I can do this. Not if it's gonna put her in danger like that. Fuck, I wish someone would tell me what I should do 'cause I have no fuckin clue.


	4. Chapter 4

"It's not as bad as it looks," B says and gives me a little smile. We got back from the cemetery a while ago. I still don't understand why that fuckin vampire was able to get so fuckin close to us without us knowin. He took a pretty big chunk out of B's neck, got some of her blood down his throat before I staked him. The worst part is I think it's my fault this happened. If I hadn't distracted her this never would've happened. We should know better than to make out in cemeteries like a couple of horny teenagers. All that's gonna do is amp the vampires up and shit.

"You don't gotta lie to spare my feelings, B. I know how bad it is," I tell her and try to force my eyes away from her neck but they won't move. She came into my room about twenty minutes ago. She tried doin the normal routine but I didn't say a word. I guess she knows this is hitting me pretty hard 'cause she didn't try to be cute or whatever. She turned the lamp on my bedside on and laid down next to me on the bed. As soon as I could see her wound that's all I've been doing. I don't know why I can't look away but I just can't.

"I'm not lying," she says and she sounds a little mad. I would be to if she called me a liar but right now I really don't wanna deal with a pissed off Buffy. I just don't think I could take that. I don't think I can take any of this. "I think he was a newbie or something because it felt like he didn't know what he was doing. I've been bitten before so I know what it feels like to be bitten by someone who…knows what they're doing." She was bitten by Angel and by Spike. She never told anyone that before but Spike opened up the wound Angel made. Guess he wanted to try and claim her for himself.

"From where I was standing it looked like he knew what he was doin. Got a gulp of your blood down before I could dust him." I sound bitter and angry but she doesn't flinch. Guess she knows I'm not mad at her I'm just pissed off about the situation. She could have died tonight and it was mostly my fault. I shouldn't have switched the schedule like that. We're not supposed to do that unless we have a good reason but I did it anyway 'cause I wanted to spend some more time with her. Maybe this whole dating thing isn't such a good idea after all.

"Yeah, that was pretty stupid," she says and my heart feels like it was squeezed or something. She's blaming me for this like she should. I just didn't think hearing it out loud was gonna hurt this fuckin much. "When he grabbed me I should have at least tried to pull away but I was in shock or something, you know? That vampire took me by surprise and I almost died. If you hadn't been there, who knows what would have happened." You wouldn't have gotten bit in the first place. And of course B is gonna blame herself for this. She has a martyr complex the size of Texas.

"It's not your fault, B. If you weren't distracted than it wouldn't have fuckin happened in the first place," I tell her and I sound just as bitter and angry as before. But still she doesn't flinch. She doesn't tense up or get mad or whatever. She's like this pillar of calm and it's really fuckin unsettling. B has a problem with her temper, everyone knows that. When a situation starts to get tense she reacts, it's just what a slayer does. But right now that's not happening and it's throwing me off. None of this shit was supposed to happen. Why can't things go like they're supposed to?

"It's no one's fault, Faith. If we're going to start playing the blame game every time something like this happens then we'll drive ourselves crazy. You think it's your fault for distracting me, but it could just as easily be my fault because I'm the one who pushed you up against the mausoleum. Or it's the vampires fault for giving in to his urges and biting me. Or it's his sire's fault for thinking he would have made a good vampire and turning him instead of just killing him." She wraps her arm around me and she's gently rubbing my back. She's starting to make me feel a little better. How does she fuckin do that?

We go quiet and I keep staring at her wound. I don't know why I can't look away but the more time goes by the smaller it's getting. I don't think she's gonna have a permanent scar. Maybe she was right and the vamp didn't really know what he was doin 'cause now it just looks like two little scratch marks. If he really sunk his teeth into her it would leave something more than that. Guess I shouldn't feel too bad than 'cause if I didn't react quick enough then she would have a fatty scar just like the one Angel gave her.

Maybe I am being a fuckin baby about this. We're slayers, we get hurt on patrol, it just happens. We can't control what something else decides to do whether it's a vampire or a demon or a human. People treat each other so fuckin shitty sometimes I forget why I fight so goddamn hard to save their lives. But then I look at B and she restores my faith. Fuck, that sounded really fuckin corny. I'm so glad I didn't say that shit out loud 'cause if she heard me say that I'd never hear the end of it. I need to stop this deep thinkin 'cause it's not good for my health.

I don't know how long it's been since either of us said a fuckin word but it's not getting awkward like I thought it would get. I've never just sat in silence with someone before and it's kinda nice. There's no pressure to say something just to keep the conversation going and she's still rubbing my back and it's calming me the fuck down. I don't know how she's doing it, maybe Red taught her some magic or something, but it's workin like a charm. The teeth marks on her neck are almost gone. They're just two tiny red marks and you can barely tell what they were before. Slayer healing is really fuckin awesome.

Before they disappear completely I lean forward a little and leave a little kiss right over the red spots. I don't know why I did that. I had a good reason but it dropped outta my fuckin mind as soon as I moved forward. Now I feel like a total douche. Guess she thinks so too since she just laughed. Probably thinks I'm the biggest fuckin dork on the planet. And great, now I'm blushing. I never used to blush this much until I became friends with B. Maybe being friends with her isn't good for my health either. Then again dating me isn't exactly good for hers.

"Thank you," she whispers and her tone sounds all light. Great, now she's fuckin mocking me. I swear this night just keeps getting better. I rest my head back on my pillow but I don't say shit. I can't even look at her I'm so fuckin embarrassed. I can feel the anger start to bubble up and I'm not sure who I'm mad at her more; myself for looking like an ass in front of her, or her for making fun of me for doing something so not me. I've been doing a lot of things that could be classified as so not me but things are changing and it's because of her. I'm not saying change is bad, but does she have to laugh at me like that?

"For what?" I ask and I try as hard as I can to keep the anger outta my voice. I'm kinda givin her the benefit of the doubt. That's another thing that's changed about me over the years. Back in Sunnydale I wouldn't have given her time to explain. I would've shut down, made up some dumbass excuse to kick her outta my bed and probably ignore her for a few days until this feeling of embarrassment goes away. But now I wanna know why she laughed and why she said 'thank you'. Was she being an ass or is something else running through her mind?

"For taking care of me," she says and she sounds, I dunno, I guess shy is a good way to put it. Whatever it is it was really fuckin unexpected and it makes me look into her eyes. Yeah, she's definitely got that shy expression on her face. She gets like that when we pig out after a really good slay and she polishes off all her food first and wants more but is too embarrassed to ask 'cause she doesn't wanna look like a pig. "You're the only person I've never brushed off or tried to lie to and say I was fine when I was hurt. You're the only person I've ever wanted to let my guard down in front of. I guess you're the only person I've been with who makes me feel safe."

I look into her eyes and I can see how fuckin sincere she is about everything she just said. She trusts me, more than she's trusted any of her boyfriends, and I was being such a fuckin baby about what happened because…? Because I'm a fuckin idiot. In the blink of an eye I close the distance between us and kiss her. I couldn't help it, what she said was just so fuckin…I can't even think of a word. It just really made me wanna kiss her. And if she was lying and saying all of that stuff just to get into my pants I won't be mad about it until tomorrow because right now I just couldn't force myself to care.

Alright, that's not true but I have other things to think about right now. Like B's soft hand runnin up and down my thigh. Goddamn, how she does get her hands so fuckin soft? There aren't any calluses or anything. You'd think there would be at least some 'cause of all the slaying. Wooden stakes and battle axes aren't really good for skin care. You wouldn't know that by feelin 'em though 'cause hers are really fuckin soft. I can feel the power that they have. With every stroke she's getting stronger and I guess it has something to do with the fact that our kisses are starting to get a little more intense.

I want to explore her body so fucking bad but there's something that's holding me back. For one thing one of my arms is trapped beneath the pillow my head is resting on so that makes things a little difficult. Lying face to face and making out isn't exactly the most comfortable thing but I'm not gonna complain 'cause her lips are so fuckin soft and she's an amazing kisser. My free hand is running through her hair and every time I give it a little tug she lets out this soft little sigh. Hearing that and feeling it against my lips is totally addictive. I wonder what else would make her sigh like that.

I tug her hair a little harder and for a second I think I totally fucked up 'cause her whole body stops moving. I pull back just enough to look into her eyes but she has them closed. A couple of wicked tense seconds of silence goes by and my heart is beating so fuckin fast I can feel it throbbing in my ears. Great, I just had to push. Why the fuck do I always gotta push? I can never just be happy tip toeing on the line. I always gotta put my foot on the other side just to see what'll happen. When she finally opens her eyes my breath catches in my throat 'cause they're so fuckin green and I don't think I've ever seen 'em that color before.

"I didn't know you like to pull hair," she whispers and her voice is deeper than normal and it sounds kinda…I don't know, I guess husky would be a good word to use. It doesn't matter what the fuck it's called because the important thing is it's sexy as hell and my panties are soaked now. I don't even know why I bother wearing them anymore 'cause every time she's around me the pair I got on get ruined. She gets a little smirk on her face and my heart starts beating faster and I didn't know that was possible either. She's just making all kinds of surprises tonight. "You are such a girl." She's also a little bit of a bitch, but I already knew that.

Before I can say anything she gently pushes me onto my back and starts kissing me again. She's leaning over me and the bottom half of her body is off to the side. I wish she would put on her thighs in between mine to give me some friction, but at the same time I don't think that's a good idea. She's right, even though I really fuckin hate to admit that. Right now, though, I am being such a fucking girl. I'm letting my feelings get in the way of having sex, what the fuck is wrong with me? Oh right, I'm in love with her. See, this is why I never did the 'love' thing before because it complicates shit.

She pulls back from the kiss and we're both panting like animals. I never knew just kissing someone could get me so fuckin worked up. But I'm not just kissing someone. I'm kissing Buffy so I really shouldn't be this surprised. I open my eyes and she's looking at me, hovering above me with just enough space to get a good look at me. The expression on her face and the look in her eyes…I have no fucking clue how to describe it but it's making my heart feel so full right now. It's like she's so happy just to be here in my arms. Her undivided attention is something I've always wanted, and now that I have it I'm scared shitless that I'm going to lose it. It's Funny how that works. Or not since I hate being scared almost as much as I hate the Yankees.

"I love you," I say and holy fuck, that just slipped out. So this is what it's gonna be like from now on? I've finally accepted my feelings for B and now that we're together I'm going to just spout that shit out whenever I start to get a little emotional? 'Cause I didn't sign up for that shit. But maybe I can get used to it 'cause she has this big smile on her face now and I think it's bright enough to out-shine the sun. Wow, that sounded really fuckin corny. I better keep that one to myself 'cause I really don't feel like being laughed at.

"I love you too," she says and kisses me again. It doesn't last for very long and when she pulls back I miss the feel of her lips on mine. I don't think I'm ever going to get over how awesome her lips feel and taste. The cherry lip gloss is totally working for her. She gets this smile on her face that can only be described as devilish and it makes my pulse race. How is it with one look she can have my heart racing faster than a cheetah? That is so fucked up. She kisses me on the lips again, and then slowly kisses down my jaw line until her lips are softly touching the shell of my ear.

"Let me show you how much," she whispers in this husky, sexy voice and it sends a shiver down my spine. I can't believe she just fuckin said that. Buffy Summers just whispered that she wants to fuck me. I never thought I'd ever hear anything like that before, and you have no fuckin clue how much I've wanted to hear it. So why the fuck does my stomach feel like it's trying to tie itself in a bunch of knots? I don't fuckin know, and it's bugging the hell out of me. She's offering me everything I've ever wanted, so why the fuck can't I just take it? She pulls back just enough to look at my face and her smile fades to something more serious.

"What's the matter?" she asks and she sounds…I dunno, I guess shy would be a good word for it. Of course she's going to be shy, she's never done the whole girl-on-girl thing, except when we were drunk, and B isn't the most confident person when it comes to new sexual experiences. She gets hella insecure hella fast. And I knew that and yet here I am not reassuring her that everything is fine and she can keep doing what she's doing if she wants. Probably 'cause that's not really how I feel. Alright, Red, I'll give your whole 'honesty' thing a try. But if this backfires on me she's getting my steel toed boot up her ass.

"Nothing's wrong, B," I tell her and I softly move a stay piece of hair behind her ear so I can see her face better. She always looks so damn cute when her hair is kinda messed up, but don't tell her I said that 'cause she's one of those girls who needs her hair to be pretty much perfect all the time. It's not like I haven't seen her bed head before 'cause we're friends and sometimes when she sneaks in here at night just to hang out she falls asleep and I always wake up at the ass crack of dawn. One of those annoying little habits left over from my prison days. Anyway, she doesn't look like she believes me so I guess I gotta be really honest here if I'm going to make this right.

"I mean it, B, nothing's wrong. I just…." What the fuck is wrong with me that I can't just say it? What the fuck is so scary about opening up and telling her what's really going on in my head? Oh right, she might laugh or not believe me or reject me. I knew this whole relationship thing was going to bite me in the ass. Why wasn't I just better at hiding my jealousy when she was with Marcus? 'Cause right now she's looking at me with those eyes and it's like she's softly invading all of the places I'm trying to hide and it's not fair. "I'm just not ready, ya know?" From the confused look on her face I'm gonna take a guess that she doesn't know.

"Not ready for what?" she asks and her eyebrows furrow a little more. Ok, so she either really is that dense or she's playing dumb because she wants me to open up. I'll go with the whole wanting me to open up thing 'cause there's no way I'd date someone that thick. Well if you want to get all fuckin technical about it we're not dating. We're sneaking around and making out in cemeteries or late at night in my bed when everyone else is asleep. That's not dating, that's…well I don't really know what that is but it's not what I want from her.

"I'm not ready to do that with you," I say and I guess I said that totally fuckin wrong because she has this look on her face like she wants to run. She starts to push herself off of me but I wrap my arms around her back and hold her to me. I wanna be honest with her and I can't do that if she's runnin for the fuckin hills. "Wait just let me explain, ok?" I don't think I've ever sounded that fuckin desperate before about anything. I look into her eyes and she still looks upset but she nods her head and relaxes against me. Well, her tense version of relaxed anyway.

"I've never done this before, B," I say and let out a little exhale. I can feel all of those walls I've spent so long building up inside me start to pull and strain because I'm doing something that completely goes against them and they're just not used to it. They're used to keeping other people out but I've never tried to leave so they're working double time to try and keep me in. It feels pretty fuckin weird. "I've never done this before so when we finally go there I don't want it to be some post-slayage thing. I wanna do it right, you know?"

"Faith, please don't take this the wrong way," she says and she sounds kinda scared. She has that look on her face like she's about to do something she knows she shouldn't. Like when there's nowhere to run so she'll fight the group of nine vampires who ganged up on her, or when she steals Andrew's last Hot Pocket. Yeah, I only did that once, but you wouldn't know it if you asked him 'cause she's always blaming it on me. "But isn't it a little late for you to play the virgin card? I don't mean that in a bad way because it's way late for me too but this isn't anything new for you. I mean, we've already…you know, that one time. So it's nothing new." Normally I love it when she babbles but tonight not so much.

"This is new for me, Buffy," I say and I guess that got her attention. B, half-pint, bite-size, tiny Yoda, those are the things I normally call her. I don't really call her Buffy anymore unless it's serious. I don't know why, that's just the way I am with everyone. I look into her eyes again and I can feel my body get tense because this is hard for me but I want to do it. I want to open up and share this with her. It's hella fuckin scary because I've never wanted to do that with anyone before. I guess that's why they invented the word 'special'.

"Yeah, I've had sex before and I've never been shy about talkin about my sex life," I say and she gets a little blush on her face. I guess she's remembering all the stories I used to tell her on patrol. Of course a lot of it was exaggerated but she doesn't need to know that. "But this is different. This isn't just sex. I love you, B, and it'll mean something more, you know? I just want to do it right. I mean, we haven't even been on a date yet." I look away from her because now I'm feeling shy. I hate this, I hate the vulnerable feeling I get whenever I open up to someone. I still get like this with Red and we've been friends for a long time now.

"You're right," she says with this really serious tone. It makes me look at her again and I just know I got this stupid look on my face. Why? Because Buffy Summers just admitted I was right, and she didn't have a gun to her head or nothing. What's that sound? Oh yeah, that's hell freezing the fuck over because she admitted I'm right about something. I need to mark this down on a calendar or something 'cause I don't think it's ever going to happen again. "You're my girlfriend and I haven't been treating you the way you deserve." She isn't looking at me anymore, she's kinda staring off into space and I can practically hear the wheels turning in her head. This can't be good.

"Don't feel bad about it, B. You've been treating me just fine. I'm just being weird tonight, I guess. Just forget it, ok?" Man, could this conversation have backfired on me anymore? 'Cause I don't fuckin think so. I didn't want to make her feel bad about herself. I guess after all those years of hurting each other I just don't know how to break that pattern. I don't know why I'm doing it again 'cause we've been friends since Sunnydale went boom, and we don't really hurt each other anymore. Annoy the fuck out of each other? Yeah. Drive each other so crazy we can't be in the same room for five minutes without arguing? Patent pending. But we don't hurt each other.

"No, I don't feel bad," she says and looks into my eyes again. I don't really believe her 'cause Buffy's always been big with the denial when it comes to her feelings. I gently rub her back 'cause it feels like the right thing to do and she leans down and gives me a little kiss on the lips. I barely have time to return it before she's pulling away. Fuck, she can be such a tease sometimes. "I guess I just didn't really get it before. I didn't fully understand what this means. I'm so used to being spoiled and pampered because I've always been 'the girlfriend', but now you're my girlfriend and I need to start acting like it." Say what?

"B, what are you talking about?" I ask and if I sounded anymore confused my hair would turn blonde. And yeah, that kind of is a dig at her 'cause sometimes she can be slow on the uptake. Or intake or whatever the fuck that saying is. She sits up on the bed and I lean up on my elbows a little so I can get a better look at her face. She looks determined. She looks excited. She looks like she's scheming and a cold chill runs down my spine. She looks into my eyes and I know that I'm completely screwed because I'll do whatever she wants as long as I get to see that happiness in her eyes.

"I'm talking about spoiling you, Faith. I'm talking about treating you the way you deserve to be treated, the way no one else has ever treated you before, not even yourself," she says and now she's totally lost me. I have no idea what the hell she's talking about and it must show 'cause she gets this cute smile on her face and she leans down and gives me another little kiss. This time she lets it linger and I get to kiss her back for a few seconds before she pulls away. Damn, I don't think I'm ever gonna get used to the feel of those silky lips. When she pulls back she doesn't go far. Just far enough away so she can look into my eyes.

"You've never been a girlfriend before, Faith, and I need to teach you what that means. I owe you that much," she whispers and very gently strokes my cheek with the tips of her fingers. I don't think I've ever felt something so tender and loving before, and you know what? This time it doesn't scare me. It doesn't scare me because she gets it now and I know she isn't going to hurt me. Wow, all of that stuff Red was talking about in the kitchen the other night wasn't bullshit after all. Guess I need to send her a fruit basket or something.

"I need to go plan our date. It's going to be so good," she practically squeals as she jumps off the bed and runs for the door. I would bring up the fact that it's _our_ date and she should be planning it with me but something tells me she isn't going to go for that idea. Why do I know that? I can hear her knocking on Willow's bedroom door, that's why. This is a best friend thing and I'm not a part of it, and I really don't fuckin mind at all. I don't care because she wants it to be a surprise and she's waking Red up at twelve thirty in the morning so she's pulling out the big guns. Her being so excited makes me feel so fucking special and not in the "special needs" way.


	5. Chapter 5

"Red, just tell me where she's taking me," I say and trust me I sound really fuckin pissed off. I can't believe this bullshit. Can you believe this bullshit? 'Cause I can't fuckin believe this. About two hours ago Red came into my room and said tonight I'm going on a date with Buffy. Not a big deal, right? We talked about going on a date the other night when she snuck into my room after she got bit by that vamp. But the two of them are a part of some huge conspiracy to make sure I don't find out what the fuck is going on. It's my first date, I should get the details, ya know?

"I can't tell you that, Faith. It's a surprise and you don't want to ruin the surprise or else you won't be surprised," she says and walks back into the closet. Yeah, not only am I not allowed to know where I'm going, I'm not allowed to pick out my own clothes and shoes or do my own hair and makeup. Next they're gonna tell me I'm not allowed to read books, write down my thoughts, vote or own property. "Buffy put a lot of work into this and I'm not going to let you ruin it." Yeah, because I shouldn't have any say at all in my own fucking date. I knew B was high maintenance but this is fucking ridiculous.

"I don't want to know what she has planned, just tell me where I'm going," I say and if I sounded any whinier I would be Buffy. Or maybe Dawn. Oh fuck, I just scared myself. I need to not think those kinds of awful thoughts 'cause you never know what might happen. Dawn would be in my body and probably go out and get smashed and laid just because she could and I'd be stuck in her body, which isn't a bad body to be stuck in 'cause I'll admit she's pretty hot, but since we don't live in the back hills of some isolated village, there's no way in fuck B would let me do anything to her in that body.

"If I tell you where you're going you'll know what the surprise is. You're not stupid, Faith. Now stop being dumb and quit arguing. You know I'll never crack," she says and walks out of the closet. I'm not even going to bother with a joke because it's too easy. She sets down a brown leather skirt on my bed and disappears into the closet again. Ok, so it's fake leather that was on sale and I couldn't pass it up. I was kinda pissed when I bought it 'cause it didn't have that same 'new leather' smell. But it was forty percent off and you just can't beat that so it was worth it even if it is fake leather. Oh dear god, what the hell has Buffy done to me?

"Fine, then can you tell me what type of place I'm going to? Dance club, restaurant, movie theater, crack house, a fight club maybe?" I ask and she laughs. Yeah, yeah, I'm a funny broad. Now tell me what the fuck is going on already. I hate this whole not knowing. I think this is why I never wanted to be in a relationship in the first place. You never really fuckin know where you stand or what's going through the other's mind. Even if they say everything's fine they're just lying to save face, and when they tell you they're pissed they say it's about something else to avoid the real problem 'cause it's too hard to deal with.

"Yes Faith, you're going to one of the nicer crack dens that Cleveland has to offer and you're going to share a nice plate of crack rock that only has a two to one baking soda to cocaine ratio, then you're going to burn off all that drug induced energy by going to a fight club and beating people's heads in. Then to finish off the evening with a nice romantic mood, you're going to a drive-in to catch the one am viewing of Schindler's List." Wow, that was really fuckin descriptive. What the hell is Red on?

As soon as I hear her giggle a little bit from inside the closet I start crackin up laughing. Damn, I miss spending time with her like this. Things have been a little crazy lately, and not just because I'm dating B now. There's a new big bad in town, and Red hasn't been around as much 'cause she's been off doing the whole Wicca thing. I'm just glad she learned how to teleport or Giles would be bitching nonstop about how much of the funds are going towards airfare. But back to what I was saying. Willow is my partner in crime and I miss hanging out with her.

"You're kinda crazy, has anyone ever told you that?" I ask and lie back on the bed. If I'm not allowed to do anything then I might as well enjoy it, ya know? My bed is comfortable as hell, that's one of the things I made of when we settled down here. Living in ratty motels and then prison wasn't exactly good for my back. That's probably why my shoulder's always popping out of place when I get in a really big fight. I never had a bed of my own growin up. I slept in my mom's bed when I was a baby and then the couch when I got big enough to sleep on my own. But I don't wanna think about that shit right now.

"Yeah, but I think you calling me crazy is kind of a pot calling the kettle black situation," she says and I know she's just joking but that cuts kind of deep. I mean, I know she isn't talking about all of the shit that went down in Sunnydale when I was all crazy, but that's right where my mind goes. I guess I got no one to blame but myself for that one 'cause I totally walked right into it. I look up when she walks out of my closet holding my favorite dress. It's white and very short and it hugs me just right.

"Really Faith, only a crazy person would walk outside in this dress. We don't live in California anymore. This is Ohio, we have weather now, and not just the sunny kind," she says and I can't help but crack the fuck up. Of course Red is gonna think that. She hasn't seen me in the dress yet. Anyone who's seen me in that dress, well, let's just say the weather is the last fuckin thing on their mind.

"Don't worry Red, if I ever wear that dress the only thing you're gonna have on your mind is how to get me out of it," I tell her and laugh at the face she makes. Red would never have sex with me. We're really close friends so to her we're more like sisters or something so she could never cross that line. I don't have that problem with her and if I weren't dating Buffy and she ever offered I'd be more than happy to take her up on it. 'Cause I like sex a lot and Willow isn't as innocent as everyone likes to think.

"You probably shouldn't be saying stuff like that anymore, Faith. You're dating Buffy now and you know how jealous she can get. I don't want to be on her bad list because you made an innuendo she can't let go," she says and walks back into the closet. I really wish she would hurry the fuck up and pick something out already. I'm not so good at the waiting around thing, and this is starting to get on my nerves.

"Buffy's not going to do shit, Red, and you know it. She knows the deal, you and I flirt and shit all the time but we'd never actually do anything," I say and stare up at the ceiling. Ok, so we wouldn't do anything while we're both not single. But if we were single and drunk I can see us having a onetime whatever. "It's not like Kennedy cares about it, so why would Buffy?" When I don't hear her say anything I sit up on the bed and look towards the closet. She's still digging around and she's ignoring me on purpose.

"Don't tell me Kennedy gives you shit for the way we act around each other," I say and watch as she keeps going through my stuff. She's ignoring me on purpose. She does this when she doesn't want to lie but she doesn't want to tell the truth. I know her pretty fuckin well and that's what she does when she wants to avoid conflict. But I'm not going to let her ignore this shit. If Kennedy is being an asshole then I need to set her straight.

"Ok then, I won't tell you that," she says and walks out of the closet holding my black cashmere sweater. Buffy bought it for me for Christmas a couple years back and I don't wear it very often. Mostly 'cause it's too nice for the places I normally go. So I guess the place we're going is kinda fancy if Red is putting together an outfit that's made up of a brown leather skirt, and a black sweater. She already did my hair and makeup and they're both on the classy side. Soft curls, and light more natural colored makeup.

"It's nothing, Faith. One night when we had a little too much to drink I let it slip that I used to have a big crush on you when you first showed up in Sunnydale. Now Kennedy's been reading into the flirting too much even though I keep telling her there's nothing there but harmless fun," she says and she lays the sweater down on the bed and walks back into the closet. What the fuck? Man, I knew Kennedy could be an asshole sometimes but I didn't think she'd be a jealous bitch.

"That's not nothing, Will. How long as this been going on?" I ask and I know I sound more pissed off than I probably should. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Red's my friend and I don't let anyone treat my friends like shit, especially not the person that's supposed to love them more than anyone else. She walks out of the closet holding the only pair of "chick boots" that I own. Buffy gave these to me too. Is it weird how all of my girly shit came from her? Nah, she's just trying to convert me into some femme princess like her.

"Not long. A couple of months, maybe?" she says and takes a step back from the bed. She's starting to look upset and that's the last fuckin thing I want but we need to have this talk because I need to get all of the information I can so when I beat Kennedy to death she'll know exactly why I'm doing it. "It's only when she comes back from a mission. She sees us hanging out and wonders if I've been faithful to her or not." God damn, Kennedy is retarded. Of course Red is faithful. "Let's just get you ready, ok? Buffy will freak if we're not there on time." Wait, we?

"What do you mean 'we'?" I ask and stand up. I slip off my sneakers and start to undress. Red looks really fuckin uncomfortable but it's not because I'm in nothing but my underwear now. We've been friends for a couple years now. It's nothing she hasn't seen before. No, she's uncomfortable because she wanted to keep her relationship troubles a secret and I got her to tell me about 'em. I pull the sweater on first and I'm really fuckin careful not to ruin the makeup or the hair 'cause I don't want to go through that experience again.

"Buffy wants it to be a surprise, Faith. She's already there getting everything ready, but I'm going to drop you off so the surprised won't be spoiled," she says and she sounds a little perkier. She's happy that B and I are finally together. I guess it had a lot to do with her. If she hadn't helped me pull my head out of my ass I'd still be living in denial and Buffy would still be fucking that cro-mag and pretending it was me. God, that thought makes me want to fuck her, to claim her for myself. The last person who's touched her was that d-bag, and that thought is a little too much for me to handle.

Willow walks over to the dresser and starts rummaging through it. Before I can ask what she's looking for, she pulls it out. Thigh highs, whoopie, 'cause this outfit isn't bad enough as it is. I put on my skirt and then slip on the nylon nightmare. At least they're the kind that are nice and tight at the top so I don't need a garter belt to keep 'em in place. I draw the line at garter belts. Well, garter belts on me 'cause B would look damn fine in one. 'Course it would only be on her for like, five minutes tops.

"Awww," Red says as I slip my boots on and zip 'em up. I look up at her and as soon as I see the look she has on her face my eyes roll. She's going to tease me about this. Just wait and see, she's totally going to do it. "Look at you. My little girl is all grown up." I lips try to form a smile but I stop them because this isn't funny. I don't feel like myself in these clothes and her teasing isn't helping me feel any better. She puts her hands on my shoulders and guides me over to the mirror. I was kinda hoping to skip this part and just leave but I guess we're doing the girly thing tonight.

I'm only going to admit this to myself, but I do look pretty fuckin awesome. This classy look isn't really my style but I do look sexy and beautiful which aren't two words I'm used to using in the same sentence, especially when it's about me. I've always described myself as hot, sexy, wild, a total joy ride. Beautiful, radiant, gorgeous, the kinda girl you wanna take home to your mom, those are words I've always used to describe B. Except for the mom part seeing as mine is, ya know, dead.

"Really, Faith, you look amazing," Red says and she's kind of playing with my hair a little. She's teasing it, making the soft curls she put in it fall on my shoulders a little differently. "When Buffy sees you she's going to babble uncontrollably and then blush because it's a dead giveaway. She always does that when she's having trouble containing herself." Wait a second, she does? B does that whenever we go out to a club together and I make myself look super hot. I thought it was just her being a tight ass who didn't know what to do when someone wasn't being as conservative as her. Damn, I need to start paying more attention.

"Thanks, Red," I tell her and catch her eye in the mirror. We only look at each other for a second, though and I totally know why. B isn't the only one who has trouble containing herself, and little Red is trying really hard to hide the fact that she's having trouble. She looks a little flushed and that's the third time she's cleared her throat. I guess all the moisture in her body is going someplace else. Should I tease her about it? Nah, I think I'll leave her alone. She's doing me a solid and I don't want to bite the hand that feeds or however the fuck that saying works.

"So when are we heading out?" I ask and she already has her car keys out of her pocket. I guess that answers that question. We leave the house in kind of an awkward silence and I'm not willing to break it. Red opened up to me a little about her relationship problems, and it almost felt like pulling teeth. That means I'm the only one she's told, which means she doesn't want anyone else to know about it. Anyone meaning Buffy.

Since Tara died and Red tried to end the world she doesn't like to air her relationship problems 'cause she's afraid the gang is going to freak out. I know what that feels like. Sometimes I still feel like everyone is just waiting for me to screw up again so they can say 'I told you so'. I know it isn't true so I do my best to push it down to the back of my mind. It's gotten better over the years. I've screwed up and no one's held it against me so my paranoia is starting to go away but it can still be exhausting.

"Ok Faith, we're here," she says and it startles me back to reality. I guess I zoned out there for a while. I didn't even know we left the parking lot and now we're here; wherever the fuck 'here' is. We're somewhere downtown, I know that much for sure but I've never seen this restaurant before. Probably because it's the type of place I would never in a million years think of going to. I'm pretty sure this is a reservation only place, or at least it looks pricey enough to be a reservation only. "Just walk in and tell them you're meeting Buffy Summers." I'm sure I could have figured that out on my own. "Have fun, and don't do anything I wouldn't do." I lean over and give her a little kiss on the cheek.

"Ok, Mom. I promise to be home by curfew," I say with a smile and she chuckles. Red can act kind of mom-ish sometimes, even she admits to that. She gives me a little smack on the thigh and I hop out of the car. I hate to admit it but I'm really fucking nervous. I've never been on a real date before and B obviously went all out. I hope I don't do something stupid like spill my drink all over the table or sneeze while I got food in my mouth 'cause that's always nasty even when you try to cover your mouth.

When I walk inside there's someone waiting at a little podium looking thing, and she looks like she's had way too much coffee. She's smiling so big it looks like it hurts. I tell her I'm here for Buffy Summers and she picks up a menu and leads me through the restaurant. It looks really nice. Dim lighting and the tables are far enough away to give people privacy but not so far away that you feel isolated. I get a little nervous and self conscious as we walk passed the table because everyone turns their heads to look at me and normally that's expected but this feels like they know I'm completely out of place.

"Here we are," the woman says and I look over at B for the first time and God fucking damn, she looks so beautiful tonight. She's wearing this off white, kinda creamy colored dress, and the gold earrings that I bought her for Christmas last year. They're heart shaped and have little diamonds in the middle that make a heart too. I tried to make a joke out of it and say they weren't all that expensive or real but in reality they cost me fifteen hundred at Tiffany's. It didn't take B long to figure out they were the real deal.

Her hair is pulled back and I have a feeling she did that just for me. I love it when she wears her hair back. Her makeup is also perfect and she's sitting just perfect under the light here so it looks like she's this glowing angel sent down here to outshine the world. Ok, what the fuck is this chick doing to me? I never used to talk like this before I accepted the fact that I'm in love with her. I think Red did something to me when we had that little chat in my bedroom a few weeks ago. Maybe she put a whammy on me or something and that's why I'm turning into a total pussy.

"Wow Faith, you look amazing," B says and she sounds kind of, I don't know, awestruck or something. "Not that you don't always look great but now you look…well amazing pretty much covered it." She's babbling and now she has a little blush on her face. Damn, did Red totally call that shit or what? Good thing I didn't put money on it or I'd be out twenty bucks. I smile and take my seat and the hostess hands me my menu. B blushes even harder when she realizes she was babbling on and on in front of a total stranger. I better help her out before she pops a vessel.

"Thanks, B. You always look great too but tonight you really out did yourself. You look gorgeous." Ok, I didn't mean to say all of that, but once I started it just came out. Is that what being in love is like, saying unintended declarations of feelings? 'Cause I gotta say that part isn't fun. Now I really understand why B is blushing so damn hard. Anyway, she gives me a shy smile and mumbles out a thank you and takes a sip of water. We're acting more like a couple of bashful teenagers than kick ass slayers and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little out of my element. And by "a little" I mean "totally fuckin out of it".

"Your waiter tonight will be Daniel, and he'll be by shortly to take your orders," the hostess says and she has a polite smile on her face. I'm glad she's not giving us weird looks or being rude 'cause a couple of chicks are here on a date together, and let's hope the rest of the staff is that way. B obviously put a lot of into tonight and I don't want it to be ruined by a couple of jerks. Besides it's my first date with her and I want it to go perfect. And if it can't be perfect then I want it to be awesome. Dealing with homophobes in any situation always equals not awesome.

"So," I say and take a little sip of my water. I'm so fucking nervous that my throat is all dry and shit. I really hope weird reactions like that don't keep happening. I don't want my mouth to be all dry and gross when I kiss her goodnight. "I wanna sound like a dork or nothin, but I'm a total newb at this dating thing. What exactly is first date procedure?" Red's little honesty thing didn't steer me wrong the other night so I might as well stick with it. She gets a little smile on her face and starts messin with the silverware. Damn, she must be hella nervous too. That's actually making me feel a little better.

"Well, normally you'd start off with a light conversation. The meal part can be a little tricky, though. You want to talk enough so the date isn't boring but not too much or else the food might get cold and that's never good. If we're not too full we share a dessert and if everything works out great we take the long way home to spend a little extra time together. Then at the end of the night we kiss and if things went really well then maybe there's some light making out." Damn, she has this shit down to a science. That's kinda impressive. A little dorky but cute and impressive.

"Wow, you really got the whole thing planned out. What if I wanted to take a stroll in the park? Is there room for being spontaneous or do we gotta stick with the plan?" Ok, I just wouldn't be me if I didn't tease her a little. B knows the deal and she's got a little smile on her face that's telling me she doesn't mind the ribbing. I'm really fucking glad too. I don't wanna have to worry about every little thing I say tonight. She loves me, and I wanna be able to be myself 'cause if I can't do that then we don't belong together in the first place.

"There's always room for spontaneity. There's about a sixty percent chance we're not going to make it out of this restaurant without being called to help out with some slayer related emergency." She totally has a point. The smile fades off her face and she looks totally seriously. The sudden change is kinda freaking me out. What the hell did I say to get anal-retentive-Buffy? "But if you seriously think I'm going to take a stroll through the park in these heels you then you're way dumber than you look." The tiniest smile pulls at the corners of her mouth and I can't help but laugh a little.

"Noted," I say and can't help the dopey smile I got on my face. I can't help it. I'm out on a date with Buffy and things aren't weird or tense and it's going pretty damn good so far. "I don't know how long I'm gonna last in these heels and all I did was walk to and from the car. I don't know if being kinda femm is worth this much pain." She laughs before takin another sip of her water. Hearing her laugh and seeing her smile is making my heart feel all fucked up, but in the best way there is. Never thought there was such a thing as a good kind of fucked up but there is when I'm around B.

The night goes pretty fuckin awesome. When the waiter shows up I'm so fuckin lost on what to order but he helps me out. After I ask what's good "first date food" he gets a sly smile on his face and I know he's picturing me and B goin at it later. He tells me to avoid anything with garlic, or the stuff with the weird sauces, and order any vegetable but asparagus if I plan on getting lucky. I don't know what the fuck asparagus has to do with anything but if the waiter says avoid it, I'll avoid it. He also sent out a couple of glasses of a nice white wine 'cause the red would turn our teeth purple, I guess.

The conversation stays pretty fuckin light. We talk a little about "work", how we handle putting up with the girls, and all that other shit. But mostly we take turns asking questions about each other. Stuff like first kisses and things we've never told anyone else. B's got a lot of dirty secrets, that's for fuckin sure. I'm not talkin about sex. It's only a first date and something tells me that's not first date material. Nah, she told me about some of her little secrets. Like how she used to do shit and blame it on Dawn just to get her in trouble.

I told her a little bit about my past but I kept it hella light. Told her about some of the trouble I caused before my mom started drinking and started hitting me. I didn't want to things to get depressing so I told her the story of the time the neighbor's dog got loose and it didn't have a collar so I figured it was up for grabs so I followed him for over an hour trying to get him to come with me, and I got so fuckin lost it took my mom about three hours to find me. I was in an even worse part of town by the time she did and if she hadn't got me before the sun went down who the fuck knows what would've happened to me. I left that part out of the story, though.

But the dinner was over a while ago. We skipped dessert 'cause we were both too full. At least that's what I said. B insisted on paying for the whole thing herself and she wouldn't even let me look at the check but a place like that isn't cheap and I didn't want her breakin bank just for me. We're driving around now and this isn't the way home but I'm not saying anything about it. We're having a really great time just hanging out and things don't feel too different. When we were just friends we would hang out whenever we had the chance and it's kinda the same now except now there's a chance we might have sex.

She pulls into a parking lot and I stop talking. I wasn't saying much anyway, just telling her about a Distillers concert I went to a while ago and how I really wanna take her 'cause yeah she doesn't listen to that kinda music but she'd fuckin love it if she gave it a chance. I can't help the big, dopey smile I got on my face 'cause we're at the park. The moon is high in the sky and there's so much light it doesn't matter that there aren't very many lamps out, I can still see everything perfectly. And by "everything" I mean Buffy 'cause that's all that matters.

"Parking on a first date, B. That's bold," I say with a playful smirk on my face and I give her a little wink to let her know I'm teasing. I'm glad she decided to do this. I'm really fucking glad she feels comfortable enough with me to do this instead of doing the more cliché goodnight kiss on the front porch. We live together so that might make things a little awkward. Anyway, she shuts the car off and turns a little in her seat so she's kinda facing me. I do the same and we both unbuckle our seat belts.

"Well, I figured we'd get more privacy here than at the house. I'm still not walking in these heels so sorry if you're disappointed," she says with a little smile and I can't help but smile back. Tonight has been a fuckin blast. It's not the first thing that comes to mind when I think about havin a good time. Ok, so it's not even in the top ten, but just spending time with her, getting to know her as more than just a friend, it was fun and I'm so fuckin glad we took the time to blow off patrol to do this. I scoot a little closer to her, just enough for her to notice that I'm moving towards her, and she moves a little towards me.

"Why do we need privacy? You plannin on doing something other people shouldn't see?" I ask and she knows I'm teasing. I love the look she gets on her face whenever I say shit like that. It's the 'is she ever gonna grow up?' look, and I know that she actually like the way I tease and play with her, even if she won't admit it. Anyway, she gently holds onto one of my hands and laces our fingers together. Then she softly tucks some of my hair behind my ear and she has a beautiful smile on her face.

"Play your cards right and you might find out," she says with a devilish smile on her face. And just like that I'm so wet it's gonna be smellin up the whole car in a minute. B can definitely smell it. I know because when she inhaled it was deeper than normal and her eyes dilated just a little bit. I lean forward letting her know what I want, and she doesn't disappoint. The first time our lips touch it isn't hesitant or tentative, but it isn't wild or overly passionate either. It's like we're old lovers reacquainting, taking our time to get to know each other again, and it feels fucking perfect.

She's the one that deepens the kiss by open her lips a little and running just the lip of her tongue along my bottom lip. I don't hesitate and within seconds our tongues have come out to play. The kisses are slow, almost lazy, and it feels just right for the mood we're both in. We're not trying to force ourselves to be something we're not because we think it's how we should be. Nope, this is us, just us and it feels so fucking awesome. I feel her free hand gently run along my arm and then she very softly cups my tit. The kiss breaks when I smile and pull away.

"Lookin to get lucky tonight?" I ask her and she gets this shy little smile on her face. I rest my forehead against hers and just breathe her in. Her perfume smells amazing, and I can still taste and smell some of the wine we had with dinner on her breath. But there's also that smell that's uniquely her and I'd be lying if I said it didn't turn me on. Her smile goes from shy to confident and she brings her hand up from my tit to my cheek and softly runs her thumb along my skin.

"I already got lucky tonight. I have you as my date," she says and I can't help the smile that breaks out on my face. She says I'm fuckin corny sometimes. Did you hear that? Any other time I'd be teasing the fuck out of her, tell her she needs to go work for a company that sells greeting cards and get it over with, and maybe even tell her to go wash her mouth out before her tongue crystallizes from all that sweetness on it. But she's being corny and sweet and talking about me and now I got little butterflies fluttering in my stomach. That's only ever happened because of her.

"That was pretty smooth, B," I tell her and kiss her. This kiss is deeper, more passionate, and full of intention. I want her to know exactly what I want from just this kiss. I want her to know that I want her, all of her, and right the fuck now. I want her to know that it isn't just physical, that I love her so fucking much I'd die for her, and I hope all of that is being said with this kiss because if I had to try and vocalize it I don't think I'd have the breath to get it out. The kiss breaks when we finally run out of oxygen and she looks so fuckin hot. Her eyes are darker, her cheeks are flushed, she's breathing hard and her hair is a little messed up from my hand running through it.

"We better get home," she says and she sounds breathless and her voice is all husky and it sounds sexy as hell. I can't help the smirk that forms on my face. She wants to get me home and out of these fuckin clothes. I like it when B is all take charge. She needs to do this more often 'cause it's a total fuckin turn on. Which is a first for me 'cause I normally like to be the one in control. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Faith." She's giggling and normally I'd think it's really fuckin cute but right now I'm confused so it sounds a little annoying. "This is only a first date. I don't put out on a first date." The smirk gets wiped the fuck off my face faster than the blink of an eye.

"But B, we're two super hot slayers. The normal rules don't apply to us. We're living on borrowed time. Shouldn't be make the most of what we got?" I ask and she smiles. Yeah, she's fuckin smiling and I can't believe this is happening. First I'm the one who's all timid like some school girl and B's the one who wants in my pants, and now when I'm ready to get down she's the one who wants to wait. It's bullshit. That's what it is. This whole dating thing is bullshit. We both know what's eventually going to happen so why not just get to the good part?

"Awww, you're pouting," she says and her smile gets a little bigger. "I don't think I've ever seen you pout before." Whatever, I so do not pout. I don't know what the fuck she's talking about but that's never happened and it never fuckin will. She leans forward and gently bites down on my bottom lip. My bottom lip that was sticking out. Huh, I guess I was pouting after all. Fuck that, I'll never admit it out loud. B's the girly one. She's the one who pouts when she doesn't get her way, not me. I'm Faith. I'm badass. I do not pout.

When she pulls away from my lip she has a serious look on her face. It kinda freaks me out for a second because I can practically hear the wheels turning inside her head. Thoughtful-Buffy is not the best Buffy to be around. You never know what's going to come out of her mouth. Normally I like that about her. She's unpredictable and it keeps me on my toes. Right now in this very moment? Not loving it so much.

"I think we should wait, Faith," she says and she sounds so…calm but I can tell she's a little nervous. She's good at hiding her feelings but I'm really fuckin good at reading 'em. Most of the time anyways. "I know it seems a little crazy because we've known each other for so long and we already live together, but we just started dating and I don't want it to be all about sex." The look in her eyes is so fuckin amazing. She's feeling vulnerable and she isn't even trying to hide it. She never does this with anyone, she never lets herself be vulnerable, but she is with me.

"I don't want that either," I tell her and I'm being honest. I love sex as much, maybe even more than, the next person but I don't want it to be all about that with B. I wanna go out with her like this whenever we can. I want to just hang out like we used to and yeah when we finally get down to the naughty stuff it's gonna be hot and the world might get thrown off its axis but I can wait. The anticipation makes it better, right? Damn, what the fuck did I just agree to? "We can still make out, right?" She laughs and nods her head yes. Ok, so maybe this waiting thing won't be so bad after all, especially if she lets me get to second.


	6. Chapter 6

"Come on, baby, we need to get down to the party," B says around a bunch of girly ass giggles. We're upstairs in the hallway and I have her pressed against the wall. We can hear the loud music and the sounds of people laughing and having a good time but I can really care less. We do have shit to celebrate, though. The big bad that was making our lives tough was taken down last night. The only scooby who had to help out was Willow, which means B finally doesn't have to be in charge any more. Those newbie slayers are handy after all.

"They're not gonna notice if we're gone," I tell her and keep kissin her neck. It's been a month since our first date, we still haven't had sex but we've been way more physical. Brat walked in on us making out and the tantrum she threw let the whole fuckin house know we're dating. B was upset about it at first, especially since she didn't get to tell Xander herself. Something about her not telling him about Spike and she didn't want him to think she was leaving him out on purpose again, but everything is cool now. Plus now we don't gotta be as sneaky.

"They'll notice and they'll come looking for us," she says and she sucks in a big ass breath when my hand snakes under her shirt and I cup her tit under her bra. Oh yeah, B totally lets me get to second now. I had to "work for it" but according to her that's part of the relationship thing. I swear, when we finally do have sex I'm going to tease her 'til she's begging for it just to get her back for this. "Faith…we should…go down." I stop kissing her neck 'cause I can't force back the huge smirk. I bring my lips right up to her ear and give the shell of it a little lick. I feel her whole body shudder from that.

"Now you're talkin, B. You wanna go first or should I?" I whisper right against her ear. My lips brush over the hot flesh and my voice is all husky just the way she likes it. I start toying with her nipple and slowly rotate my hips in a small, hard circle. We haven't had sex yet, but I've found a few ways to drive her fuckin crazy. "Remember that night? You came into my room and we made love for hours?" Yeah, I say "made love" now because saying anything else about B and me just doesn't feel right. I also go out of my way to avoid thinking about the morning after 'cause who really wants to remember that disaster?

"Yeah, I remember," she says all breathless and sexy as hell. God, the shit this chick does to me with just three words is fucking unbelievable. I rotate my hips again and she lightly responds. She presses her hips into mine and she's either playing back or losing self control. By the little whimpers comin outta her mouth I'm gonna go with 'losing control'. But you never know for sure. B is a sneaky one. She could just be biding her time until she gets the upper hand. I feel her hand slip under my shirt and glide its way up my stomach and towards my tit.

"Hey, if you two lovebirds are done dry humping each other, there's a party going on downstairs. Why don't you join it?" I pull away from her as quick as I can and try to calm the fuck down but my heart is still beating so fast I think it might burst. I really didn't think anyone was going to come looking for us. I really didn't fuckin think Dawnie would come looking for us, especially after she swore if she ever saw anything like it again she'd kill us both. Maybe they took a vote or something. They've done that before.

"We'll be down in a minute," B says and her face is beat red. It's not from anything I did. She's so embarrassed all she can do is look down at her shoes and act like a teenager who's mommy just caught her with her hand in the cookie jar. And by 'cookie jar' I mean someone else's shirt. Dawn disappears and as soon as she's out of sight B gives me the meanest fuckin glare I've ever seen. I don't let it get to me, though. I know she doesn't really mean it. "I can't believe that just happened. We have to stop doing this in communal spaces. Therapy is expensive, and she's going to start insisting on it."

"I know, B, you're right," I say and she knows that something's up. We straighten out our clothes and she tries to get her hair as perfect as it was fifteen minutes ago but I don't think that's going to happen. I had her pressed against that wall for a while and before that I was running my hands through it. "We shoulda gone to your room and locked the door like I wanted. If you would just listen to me every once in a while she wouldn't be all traumatized and shit." She rolls her eyes but I can see the little smile trying to peek out.

"We need to go to this party. We have to show the mini-slayers that we appreciate what they did," she says and holds onto my hand. She has this little "Buffy smile" on her face and it looks so damn cute. I can feel myself becoming twitterpated, and I mentally try to kick myself out of it, but there's no fighting it. She leans in and gives me a sweet little kiss on my lips and I can't help the little girly sigh that escapes. Buffy: 1, Faith: 0.

"Alright, B, we'll head down. But I don't wanna be at this thing for too long. There's this totally hot chick that lets me make out her. I was planning on seeing how far she'd let me get tonight," I say with a little wink. She gets a confused look on her face and my heart starts racing. Fuck, did I take it too far? You never really know what B is gonna find funny or offensive and most of the time I do a pretty good job tiptoeing that line but sometimes I fall right the fuck off.

"It's a little weird you would admit to having a mistress but since you're so open about it I guess I can try and learn to get used to it. As long as you love me more than her," she says and I can see the little smirk growing on her face. I roll my eyes and give her a little smack on the ass. She yelps and starts giggling and we head downstairs. I can't believe she got me like that. I'm gonna have to keep in mind that she's good at faking the confused, slightly offended look. That'll make my life a lot easier.

When we get downstairs I'm impressed by what I see. The party actually looks fun. There's people everywhere, dancing, grinding, drinking, laughing, and just having a good time. No one here is under the legal drinking age. When we first bought this place and brought some of the girls along to train a seventeen year old got into the liquor cabinet, and when Giles found out about it he had the world's biggest shit fit. Since then we have a twenty-one and older policy. We don't really let this kinda stuff happen a lot, but everyone needs to wind down sometimes, and B finally gets that.

"We'll dance later, Princess. Let's get something to drink," I tell her and give her a little kiss right behind her ear. That's one of her spots and she fuckin loves it when I give that spot attention. She nods her head and I lead her through the crowd and into the kitchen. I want to get some alcohol in her before we start to dance 'cause if I don't she'll get embarrassed and shit. My style of dancing has always been really fuckin sexual and I don't wanna scare her off.

"I don't want anything strong. Hard alcohol and Buffy are totally unmixy things. Like oil and water except with less coordination and more puking," she says and I can't help the little laugh that bubbles out of the back of my throat. This chick is just too much sometimes. I grab her bottle of beer out of the fridge and I'm mixin myself a Jack and Coke when we hear a bunch of giggles comin from out back. It sounds like a pretty good size group of people. My curiosity always gets the better of me; that's for true.

"Let's go check it out," I tell her and hold onto her hand again. How she gets 'em so fuckin soft I'll never know but it's pretty amazing. Just like holding her hand, not the hand itself but the act of it, is pretty fuckin amazing. I never thought I'd ever like doing any of this stuff but B's right. I like being spoiled and holding her hand whenever I want is all a part of the spoiling process. At least that's what she said.

"Oh no, did someone cast a spell that turned you guys into twelve-year-olds? I think we should go get some magical help to find a reversal spell," B says with a little smirk on her face. She isn't being serious at all. She's talkin about the fact that Willow, Kennedy, Dawn and six slayers are sitting in a circle and using an empty bottle of tequila to play spin the bottle. This is going to be fun.

"Yeah, it's called alcohol. Its main side effect is reversing the maturity of grown people," Kennedy says with a little lopsided smile on her face. "Play with us." She scoots back a little and everyone else does the same. I look over at B with a pout starting to form but she's not even lookin at me. She takes a really long pull from her beer, downs a little over half in one go, and let's go of my hand to sit in the circle. I take a little sip from my drink and sit down next to her. I don't need liquid courage. I completely own at this game.

Kennedy spins the bottle first but it was a pretty weak spin and it only goes around for about thirty seconds and it lands on Dawn. I glance over at B and can't help the smirk that breaks out on my face when I see her chugging the rest of her beer. Ken and Dawn both lean forward and meet in the middle of the circle and kiss on the lips for a few seconds. When they pull back Dawn's got a little blush on her face, and she looks embarrassed, and Ken's got a little smirk on her lips. Hmmm, she probably tried to slip Dawnie some tongue.

Everyone in the circle gets a turn to spin it. About three different girls land on me and I told you I fuckin own this game. Not only do I slip 'em tongue, but I leave 'em totally breathless and their cheeks are all red and flushed and shit and if I really tried I could smell exactly what kissin me did to 'em. But I'm not gonna get that in to it. There's a fine line between playin a game and pissing B off and I really don't wanna cross that tonight.

When it gets to B's turn the bottle lands on Dawn. I'm about to call out how retarded that is and B should get another turn but they go with it and give each other a little kiss on the cheek. I did not wanna play this game to see my girlfriend kiss her sister 'cause that would be creepy and gross. Just the thought of that is making some of my blood rush away from my clit, and that's really fuckin bad. Why couldn't it land on Amber or Carmen or Shelly or even Willow? This is fucked, that's for sure.

But enough whining 'cause it's my turn now bitches. I grab the bottle and give it a nice hard twist of my wrist and that thing is spinning like a mother fucker. Wow, no wonder all the other slayers were holding back their strength. Lesson learned. Everyone starts laughin their fuckin asses off when the thing just keeps on goin but when it finally starts to slow down they get a little quieter and I can feel the tense apprehension in the air. I'd be lyin if I said they weren't suckin me into their girly drama.

When the bottle finally slows to a stop it lands on Willow. I look up from the bottle and into her eyes and she's got a little blush on her face. Ever since she told me Kennedy's been giving her shit for getting flirty with me, I've been goin out of my way to get under Kennedy's skin. It's kinda frustrating, though, 'cause she hasn't really been biting on the shit I've been baiting her with. Talkin to Willow about which food are sexier with foreplay: strawberries or grapes, then askin Ken what she thinks? Totally thought she'd rise to that challenge but she barely looked up from the newspaper.

Red and I lean across the circle at the same time and she closes her eyes and puckers her lips a little. I get a little smirk on my face and glance over at Kennedy. She's takin a sip of her…whatever the fuck is in that glass and I wink at her. Yeah, I totally baited her but she doesn't look mad or irritated at all. That's fuckin weird. Red made it sound like Ken was acting like a possessive dog but now she doesn't care at all? Let's see how much she doesn't care after I rock her girl's world.

I press my lips against Willow's and let out this little sigh through my nose. Damn, what does she use to get them so soft? She doesn't really do anything at first but I'm gently prodding, adding pressure with my lips then easing up a bit. She responds and she lets me lead but somethin tells me if she wanted to she could take this over in a heartbeat. I bring my hand up to the back of her neck to keep her right where she is.

I part my lips just enough to lightly flick the tip of my tongue over her bottom lip. She parts her lips too and gently sucks on my tongue. Goddamn, that just sent a jolt down to my pussy and it feels like it just flooded. I can't help the moan that vibrates outta the back of my throat and I hear something slam really loud behind me and there's glass trickling to the ground. I pull back from Red and whip around. Buffy's not sitting next to me anymore and the glass on the backdoor shattered, and the door looks like it's not doing so good either.

I turn around and look at Red and she's got these green sparks kinda dancing across her lips. They almost look like electrical sparks but I know they're magic. Wow, I wonder if that's ever happened with Kennedy. That thought only lasts a fuckin second, though. I need to find Buffy like right the fuck now or something really bad is gonna happen. I just know it. I glance over at Kennedy and she looks worried and she's giving me this sympathetic look. Oh, fuck her. Why the hell was I so damn worried about what the fuck she thinks when obviously she doesn't give a shit about what me and Red do? Why the fuck did Willow lie to me about that shit?

Some of the girls start laughing but most of 'em are quiet when I jump up and run after B. When I open the door it falls off the house and I just drop it to the ground. I'm not gonna worry about that shit. That's what we have Xander for. I follow the trail of girls that were in B's way when she stormed through her. They don't look happy and they're holding their ribs. I guess she got agitated enough to push them. That's not good. What the fuck is she going to do to me when I find her? I really don't wanna think about that right now or I might chicken out.

When I finally make it up to her bedroom the door is closed but I know she's in there. The bedroom light is kinda peeking out from under the door and her stereo is blasting The Cure. Great, this is just fucking great. I'm gonna go in that room and get my goddamn head torn off my shoulders because B is pissed and I don't know why. Yeah, I kissed Red. We were playing spin the bottle, that's what you do when you play that game, she did it too so she's just as guilty. And I kill at that game, so of course I'm gonna take it as far as I can. Why the fuck is she so fuckin bent out of shape about it? It's a game, it's not personal.

I slowly open the door and step inside. She's lying on her bed facing the wall so her back is to me. She probably can't hear me because the music is too loud but I know she feels me. I can tell 'cause her whole fuckin body just tensed up more than it already was. I walk over to her stereo and shut it off. If we're gonna hash this shit out I wanna do it without any noise that we have to talk over. Thank god the room is upstairs or we'd never be able to hear over the sounds of the party.

Anyway, I lie down on the bed and scoot close to her. I wrap my arms around her and hold her really close. I don't say anything and I don't caress her or any shit like that. Hell, I'm barely fuckin breathing. I just hold her and wait. What I'm waiting for, I really don't fucking know. B's not the kind of chick that will just offer up her emotions. She normally makes you work a little to get passed that gate. I guess I'm gonna have to be the one to break this really tense and awkward silence 'cause I've been holding her for about ten minutes and she hasn't said a damn word or made a move at all.

"I'm sorry," I tell her and move her hair out of the way so I can see her neck. I don't know why but I really need to see some of her skin right now. I don't know why I'm apologizing. I didn't do anything wrong. We were just playing a game. It's not like I want to sleep with Red. Sure, if we were both single and we got drunk I'm sure something would happen. I'm not gonna deny we have crazy chemistry together but that's all it is. If I didn't do anything wrong why do I feel like a puppy that just peed all over the brand new rug?

"You're a jerk is what you are," she says and she sounds pretty fuckin pissed. I don't know what the fuck she's so mad about but I'm not going to argue. Well, at least not right now. She starts throwing other words around that aren't true and I'll step in. But I wanna see where she's going with this, so I'm not going to interrupt. "I know you're new at being a girlfriend and having a girlfriend, but constantly flirting with our best friend right in front of me and then making out with her makes you a jerk." Well, at least we didn't have to play twenty questions in order for me to find out what the fuck is wrong.

"B, it's not like that. Me and Red act like that all the time. And we weren't making out. It's spin the bottle, you're supposed to kiss, that's the whole point of the game," I tell her and I try as hard as I fuckin can to keep the irritated outta my voice. I thought we talked about this shit? I thought we had a little chat in the cemetery about how just because we're together it doesn't mean I'm going to change the way I act. Yeah, we're together and I love her but that doesn't mean I can't be myself.

"Playing a game is kissing for thirty seconds and then laughing about it. Making out is putting your hand on the back of her neck to keep her where she is. That's the difference, Faith. And I know that you're always flirty with Willow and you guys make a game out of it, but that doesn't mean I like to see it." She sounds pissed as hell and I don't know what to say. Ok, so maybe I took the kissing a little too far but the other stuff I shouldn't have to apologize for. It's just the way I am. She needs to accept it or this isn't gonna work.

"It never bothered you before, what's the big deal now?" I ask and gently caress her arm. She feels as stiff as a board and the anger is just pouring off of her in waves. My inner slayer is stirring up, telling me to lash out, but I'm keeping my cool. The last thing I need is to go ten rounds with a pissed off Buffy, especially when she's pissed off at me. She lets out this big sigh and I feel her shoulders start to relax a little. I take a risk and place a little kiss on the back of her neck and she lets out another sigh, but this one doesn't sound agitated.

"You've been doing it more," she says and she doesn't sound as pissed off now. She sounds sad. I guess what my therapist in prison said is true and anger is just fear and pain turned outwards. Maybe I should've listened to her more often. "It seems like ever since we agreed to take things slow you've been coming onto her nonstop." I guess that's kind of true. The night of our first date is when Red told me Kennedy was jealous and didn't want us flirting or whatever.

"That doesn't have anything to do with you," I tell her and she gets all tense again. I guess I sounded a little harsher than I meant to. Need to watch the tone 'cause I don't want this to turn into a fight. I gently rub her arm some more to try and calm her down. Maybe if I can keep her calm I'll stay calm. Yeah, let's hope for that. "Red told me Kennedy was getting jealous that we were being flirty with each other. You know me, B. I can't just let that shit go. I wanted to call her out on it, but I couldn't just confront her out of nowhere." I feel her tense up and I don't think she's breathing anymore either. Ok, so what the fuck is going on?

"That may not be completely true," B says and she sounds like a little kid who got caught with a bunch of stolen candy in her pockets. I don't say a fuckin word 'cause I know when she gets like this she needs time to tell you on her own. If I say somethin now she might lose the nerve to tell the truth. "I'm the one who's been getting jealous. Will told me she used to have a crush on you and I got this stupid thought in my brain that maybe your flirting wasn't as innocent as you say it is. I know that's not true, but irrational-Buffy took over. You know that never ends well." Irrational-Buffy? I think she means every other day Buffy.

"B, you just gotta trust me. I flirt with other people, that's just something I've always done. But it doesn't mean I'm going to fuck around on you or that I want to be with someone else. You're it, B. You're the only person I've ever been in love with and that's how it's gonna stay. I don't know what else I can do to prove that to you," I tell her and I don't sound irritated like I usually would. I sound…I dunno, kinda sad I guess. I have no fuckin clue how to prove to her that I love her without a doubt, and I should know.

"You already are," she says and I can practically hear the little smile she has on her face. I wish I could see it but I don't wanna move. "I acted like a total ass and you're not mad at me. Well, you're mad but you're not yelling or accusing me of anything. You're asking what's wrong and you're actually listening. If you weren't in love with me you'd never act like this. You would stomp around and get all pissed and say you're going to be who you are whether I like it or not." Am I really that much of an ass? "You've changed over the years, Faith, and I'm so glad I get to know you."

"You're lucky 'cause I'm a catch," I tell her and she laughs a little. I'm laughin too so there's no reason to get upset or nothin. "I mean it, B. You're not gonna do better than me. I'm super hot, we got tons of shit in common, and I love all the crazy shit that you do, even if it's irrational." Ok, so maybe I don't love all of the crazy shit that she does. Hiding my cigarettes and telling me anti-cancer fairies stole them is taking it a little too far, but I don't wanna get in a fight right now so I'll let that go for the time being.

"I definitely lucked out," she says with a little giggle. I'm tickling her a little bit 'cause I love that sound so fuckin much. You have no idea how much I wanna hear that all the time. We lay here together for a while and I can feel all of the tension in her body melt away and so is mine. For a little while anyway. Mine's starting to build back up 'cause I'm gonna have to talk to Red about what happened. I know that B had dibs on her first, but she's my best friend too and she shouldn't lie to me about anything. I cannot begin count how many ways that conversation is gonna suck.


	7. Chapter 7

"Babe, you should just talk to her and get it over with," B says and I let out a little sigh. We're sitting out back on the porch swing. I got my back pressed against her front and her arms are wrapped around me and I'm smoking. She gave me some shit about it when I first lit up but stopped when I tried to stand up. She knows I'm out of patience when all I wanna do is leave and I don't even try to argue.

"What am I supposed to say, B? 'Hey Red, nice weather we're having, by the way why are you such a fuckin liar all of a sudden?'" I spit out and slowly inhale a nice, long drag off my cigarette. You have no fuckin idea how good this feels. I've been cutting back, down to only four of these a day, 'cause B wants me to quit. Giving my body what it's been craving is so fucking good. It's pretty hard to describe.

"Well, I wouldn't word it quite like that," she says and I exhale with a scoff and I feel more than hear her let out a sigh. She's getting agitated by my attitude but trying not to show it. I really don't have the energy or patience to care. "Tell her you have something you want to talk about, tell her you're afraid to talk about it because you don't want to ruin the friendship and your feelings are hurt, tell her if you two talk about it you think it will help both of you get over this cold war, and then ask why she lied." Hmm, that doesn't sound half bad.

"Pretty good mind trick, B," I tell her and grind the cigarette against the rail of the porch swing and toss the butt into the empty coffee can. I feel her move around a little, she's pulling something out of her pocket and before I can ask what she's doing a little box of mints is being placed in my hands. Ok, guess I can take a hint. "Where did you learn that?" I pop a couple mints in my mouth and chew 'em up and instantly fuckin regret it. Fuck, that stings and now my eyes are watering up like hell."

"In psychology class back in Sunnydale. Never thought it would work but it came in handy when we first moved here. Got Dawn to help out way more then she wanted to. And I also use it when convincing others to let me borrow their stuff." I let out a little chuckle and she warps her arms around me again. My eyes tear up and it's not from the mints. I always wanted this with B, always. Just sitting in each others' arms, talking and laughing and everything being easy for once. I fucking love it.

"Now I know your secret. You'll never borrow one of my tops again," I tell her and she reaches down and entwines our fingers together. I feel her rest her chin on my shoulder and I know she's looking down at our hands. I know it 'cause she likes to do that. She likes the way they interlock perfectly. The way my hands are bigger than hers but only slightly. The way my fingernails are always painted blood red or black and hers are always some girly color like Twinkled Pink or Sparkling Lilac.

"You're forgetting the rules have changed now. We're girlfriends, I don't have to ask if I can borrow your stuff," she says and leaves a small kiss on the side of my neck. I can't help but smile at what she said. Of course I just had to fall in love with one of the brattiest women in the whole fuckin world. Was she born this way or did that come from the years of being the only slayer in all the world? I would ask that out loud but I know she'll take it the wrong way and I'm already in a bad sitch with Red, don't really feel like getting in one with my girl.

"Good to know, B. Now whenever I need to borrow something of yours I won't have to worry about asking for it." She doesn't have anything I wanna borrow but I can't let her think she's the one with the power. Even though it's pretty much true, she's the last fuckin person I need knowin that. B's hella smart even if she does act dumb sometimes. She's going to figure out she has all the power in this relationship sooner or later and I'd rather it be way fuckin later. Once she figures it out I'm fuckin done with.

"She's in the basement right now," B says and it kinda startles me. I didn't even fuckin know we were silent like that, I was so caught up in my own mind. Weird. I let out a little 'hmm?' noise and she kisses me on my neck again. Hmmm, that was a weird response. Maybe I should start making random sounds just to see how she'll react. "Willow, she said she was going to be in the basement for most of the day. Giles sent her some new demony texts and she's getting them nice and organized." Fuckin Christ, who would let Red be in charge of that?

"Then I better not bother her. If she's organizing books I might lose a limb trying to get her attention," I say and reach into the pocket of my hoodie to pull out my pack of cigarettes but B stops me. She puts her hand on my wrist and slowly pulls my hand outta my pocket. Yeah, I'm stressed and I'm worried and I have no fuckin patience right now but I can't be mad at her. It's fuckin annoying when she gets on my case about quitting but she wants me to be around longer, I get it. I just wish she wasn't such a brat about it.

"I think she's doing it to stay out of our way. She's still kind of shook up from the other night," B says and I can hear the shame and guilt creeping out in her voice. Five days ago was the party that the little 'spin the bottle' incident happened and Red and I haven't said a word to each other since. Whenever we're in the same room she bolts. I guess B's reaction to our kiss really has her freaked 'cause I've never seen her act like that before. Well, once but it was the first time I walked in on her and Kennedy having sex so I don't think it counts.

"I don't blame her. The other night was kinda crazy," I say and hold onto both of B's hands. I have to admit, I love holding her hands probably more than she does and she's the one who's used to the relationship shit. The love feeling the power, the strength that she has even though they look so small and dainty. Holding them gives me more strength and I'm going ot need that if I'm gonna build up the courage to go talk to Red. It's weird, I can take out a whole nest of vamps, or beat the shit out of a Polgara and even get stabbed through the gut and keep on fighting, but I can't go down to the basement and talk to my best friend.

"So are you going to be stop being a chicken and talk to her? Because my best friend and I are both in a relationship, so it would be nice to do the double date thing," she says and I stop breathing. What the fuck is she talking about? B knows me, she knows me really fuckin well, and she should know that I don't do double dates. "If you and your best friend, who also happens to be my best friend, aren't speaking that makes it harder to do."

"Me saying no would also make that difficult," I say and I know she's gonna say something so I gotta keep talking so she doesn't have the chance to argue. "And I'm not a fuckin chicken. The situation's complicated. I can't just go down there like it's any other day." I mean, really, what the fuck does she expect me to do? If it were any other day I'd probably be down there right now talking about my Halo stats and bragging about getting over three hundred kills in twenty-five minutes. Yeah, I'm awesome.

"First of all, yes we are going on double dates with our friends. Maybe even a big triple date night once Chloe's leg heals." Chloe, Xander's girlfriend, got a pretty bad burn on her right leg during the battle to stop the apocalypse. She's in quarantine to stop it from getting infected and the Wiccan's have been doing some healing rituals to speed up the process but there's probably gonna be some wicked scars. "And secondly, you are being so chicken right now you should come with two sides, a biscuit, and a slice of chocolate cake for dessert."

"I was going to let you eat chocolate cake off of me for dessert tonight, but now that's out," I tell her and she laughs. I feel her kiss my neck again, and this times her kisses linger for a little longer. I'm not stupid. I know what she's doing. She's kissing over the scar that Angel made. She's been doing that a lot lately. I wouldn't be surprised if she reopened it just to claim me for herself. Sometimes I think we spend too much time around vamps, maybe it's starting to rub off on us or something.

"Will you stop being sexily inappropriate and go patch things up with Will? Everyone in the house is starting to get worried." I scoff because there's no fuckin way that's true, and she's totally exaggerating like she always does. I'm sure not that many people care about the drama that goes on with the core scooby group. "I'm serious, Faith. Even Megan asked if everything is ok, and if you two were going to make up or if one of you was going to move because of all the tension." Holy shit. If Mega, the girl who spends literally all of her free time playing video games, has noticed than it really is that fuckin bad.

"Ok, B, I'll go talk to her," I tell her and bring her hand up to my mouth and give the back of it a little kiss. I've been doing that a lot lately. It's kinda weird how I thought this kinda shit was hella fuckin corny but now that I'm in a relationship it just seems so natural to be this affectionate. "I can't promise it'll change anything but I gotta try, right?" I get up and walk towards the backdoor. I stop and look back and B is still sitting on the porch swing with her eyes closed, looking relaxed and happy and totally fuckin gorgeous.

"Hey B?" I ask and she looks over at with a questioning look on her face. "Will you still love me if Red turns me into a frog?" She laughs and the smile that lights up her face is so bright and beautiful I almost have to look away. I know that sounded really corny and dumb but it's fuckin true. Why the hell am I going back in the house when I could be out here snuggled up to her enjoying this beautiful day and just relaxing? Oh right, I gotta make nice with Red. Fuck, I hate how I always have to push people's buttons.

"Faith, Willow has frog fear so she won't turn you into a frog," she says and that's good to know. And that might come in handy when I get in the mood to play a prank. I could just leave a frog on Willow's bed and wait for her to go in there and listen to her freak the fuck out. I think I'll be stopping by the pet store tomorrow. "But if she does turn you into an animal I'll take care of you until she turns you back." Hmm, I didn't think about that.

"What if she doesn't turn me back?" I ask and she gets this little smirk on her face. Yeah, I'll admit it's a pretty silly conversation, but it's not like this shit is impossible. Who knows if Red is really trying to stay out of our way or if she's pissed at me for taking things too far? She won't talk to me so I have no fuckin clue. I'll admit only to myself that being turned into an animal is one of my top ten fears of all time. It would totally suck to be a frog or a cat or a dog or whatever else Red can think of. "You gonna send me to the pound or put me up for sale on Craigslist?" She laughs again and I can't help but smile. I love the sound of her laugh.

"No, I'll keep you. I'll take care of you for the rest of your life and become an old spinster who never moved on after her lover was transmutated into an animal," she says with this completely serious look on her face and something deep down inside me is telling me that she isn't completely joking. Fuck, I hope that wouldn't happen. If anything happens to me, if I don't make it back from a patrol or if I get turned into a fluffy bunny rabbit, I want B to be able to move on and be happy. Ya know, after she spends an appropriate amount of time grieving and longing for me.

"Ok, just checking," I tell her and walk into the house. I stand in the kitchen for a few minutes just looking around, trying to build up the courage to go down into the basement and fuck someone really needs to sweep and mop the floor. It's not gonna be me, but someone really needs to clean this shit. It looks like a herd of muddy elephants stomped through her. I think some of the girls were gonna go play paintball today, so that's probably why. B's gonna have a fit when she sees this.

Alright, I need to quit being such a fuckin pussy and just get down there. Red's my best friend and this isn't gonna get any better until we talk about it and since she's been running away every time I walk in a room I'm gonna have to be the one to make the first move. After I say my piece if she still doesn't wanna be around me then there's nothing I can do about that. But I have to at least try to patch things up. I can't let this shit fester and then bitch about it not getting better when I'm not doing anything to try and change it.

I walk to the other end of the kitchen and stop in front of the door that leads down to the basement. Ok, don't be a pussy, just go down there and do what Buffy said. What was it that Buffy said, exactly? Something about telling her why I'm afraid to talk to her, and then that I don't want to ruin our friendship. No, that doesn't sound right. Fuck it. If I'm going to talk to Red without sounding like a fuckin idiot I need to just play this by ear. And why am I so afraid of walking down those stairs? It's just Red, not a Pargo demon. God I wish I was going down there to fight a Pargo demon.

Ok, well here it goes. I open the door and walk down the steps. The light is on and I hear classical music playing. Yep, Red's down here. She's the only person in the house who listens to that when she's working. I stop at the bottom of the steps and just look at her. She's sitting at the big round table in the middle of the room and there are two big piles of books on either side of her. She's writing a bunch of shit down in a folder and I know if I interrupt she's gonna be annoyed. She always gets annoyed when people interrupt when she's working.

"Hey Red, whacha doing?" I ask and walk into the room. She looks up and she looks surprised. I guess she didn't think I was gonna come down here and bug her. Any other day I'd be doing just that, but this isn't any other day. This is the first time I've said to word to her in five days. Fuck, I hope this doesn't end bad. I really don't want this end bad. I've had enough of that shit for one lifetime. She looks back down at the page she's working on and she's got a little blush on her cheeks.

"Cataloging the books that Giles sent. He threw in a couple of old spell books too that I've been looking for," she says and she sounds nervous. Why does she sound so nervous? I hate what this is doing. We're best friends, partners in crime. Things are supposed to be easy for us. Even when I'm being all closed off and defensive talking to each other is still easy. Now it's like we're two high schoolers and we don't know how to act. "What are you doing?" I might as well be honest. That's why I came down here.

"Came to talk to you about what happened at the party and why things are so weird now. Ya know, just another Saturday afternoon," I tell her and kinda rock back on my heels. Maybe if I'm lucky she'll play along and won't make it a big deal. Since she's writing so fast now that no one but her is gonna be able to read that and she's going to have to redo the whole page, I'm thinking I'm not so luck right now.

"Right," she says and licks her lips. She does that when she's nervous. "That would make sense since we…were at the party together." Damn, this is gonna be a lot harder than I thought. I sit down across from her at the table but she doesn't look up. She just keeps writing at lightning speed. Guess I'm gonna be the one doing most of the work in this conversation. Joy to me.

"Willow, things between us don't have to be weird," I tell her and hopefully using her real name instead of her nickname will let her know how serious I am. "We kissed when we were playing a game of spin the bottle. It's not like we were cheating on B and Ken. Yeah, it was a hell of a kiss, def in the top ten, but it was nothing more than that." Maybe I said a little too much 'cause now her ears are so red they look like they're about to pop.

"For you it wasn't anything more but it was different for me, Faith," she says and stops writing for a second. I guess she needed to use her whole body to get that sentence out. She goes back to writing like mad and I can't help the little sigh that escapes. I knew this would have something to do with it. I guess I was just really hoping I was wrong. This is going to make thing way more fuckin complicated.

"I know you said you used to have a crush on me so maybe that kiss dragged up some old feelings, but we shouldn't just stop talking because of those lingering feelings." Did any of that just make sense? I have a feeling none of that made any sense. "They'll go away eventually." They have to go away or I'm in big fuckin trouble. And I'm not just talking about what will happen when B finds out we won't be able to double date because our best friend has feelings for me.

"No, it's not that. I haven't felt that way for a really long time," she says and she finally looks up at me. Or I could just be a narcissistic asshole. That sounds more like it. "The kiss was different for me because when our lips touched I felt this spark, this magical spark. And when the kiss got deeper the spark…it got stronger and I saw things. I saw things that happened to you in your past, thing that you've told me about but hearing them and seeing them are different, totally different, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I also saw something else. Something that has never and will never happen."

"What did you see?" Fuck I hope she didn't see what I think she saw. I hope she didn't see me fucking Xander 'cause things are tense enough between us and I didn't know it at the time but back then Red wanted my blood for fucking Xander. I guess she used to be in love with him, and who could blame her, and even though she was with Oz it still hurt hearing that he lost his cherry to a skank like me.

"Some flashes from your childhood, memories of your mom being…what a mom isn't supposed to be. And I saw you with the first girl you were with, um…romantically." She means sexually 'cause there was nothing romantic about it. "And I saw us together…romantically. I guess it was just a glimpse of what could happen if we gave in to the possibility. But it's not going to happen because I love Kennedy and you love Buffy and I love you in a friend way and I'd hate it if Kennedy and Buffy killed us for cheating on them.

"Don't worry, Red. I'm not gonna jump ya or nothing," I say with a little cheeky grin. She rolls her eyes because that's not what she meant and I know it, but I don't care. It was too good to pass up. "We just need to find a way to get passed this is all. Everyone's starting to get worried. I guess you and me are the glue that holds everything around here together." Ok, time to stop being such a pussy and say what I really wanna say. "Plus, ya know, I miss hanging out with you. Mocking TV shows just ain't the same."

"I miss hanging out with you too. It's just after seeing what I saw us doing," she says and gets a really dark blush on her face and I can't fight the chuckle that rumbles at the back of her throat. "It's just been hard to be around you. I see you and I think about it, not on purpose but I can't stop my mind from going there, and I'm too embarrassed to be in the same room with you." Damn, I think she just topped her own record for fastest babble. Impressive.

"I get that," I tell her and she looks a little surprised. She also looks a little suspicious because she knows I'm going to tease her about it. What can I say, the chick knows me too well. "Us hookin up, that's gotta be off the charts hot. I get that your brain shuts down every time you think about it and gotta go relieve the tension on your own. Just be careful. If you get carpel tunnel 'cause of me Kennedy's gonna be pissed." She reaches over and slaps me on the arm and we're both laughing.  
Even though things aren't back to perfect between us yet, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. She's not pissed at me for acting stupid, she doesn't have feelings for me other than friendship, she just can't be around me 'cause she gets embarrassed about what she saw. That I can live with. It might take us a while to get back to how we used to be but at least I know we'll get there. I just gotta stop worrying and go with it. Things seem to work out better when I do that.

"So what's all this that Giles sent?" I ask even though I don't really care. Now that we're finally talking again I don't wanna stop. Hearing her voice and being relaxed around her feels good and I'm not ready to give it up just yet. I know B is probably waiting up there wanting to know what the fuck is going on, but she can wait. I'm not gonna give this up just to give her an update. What am I, her fuckin maid? I don't think so.

"More demony references that he thinks we might need more than he does. I honestly think he did some spring cleaning and sent us the rejects because most of the demons don't even exist anymore," she says with a little smile on her face. It's weird the shit she finds funny, but at least she's smiling instead of looking panicked and then running out of the room. It's a total improvement, that's for fuckin sure. I look over at the book she has laid open and one page has some green magicy stuffy on it. It almost looks like she went over the title with a green highlighter but I know it's magic 'cause she's never use a highlighter on a demon reference or spell book.

"What's that?" I ask and pick up the book before she has a chance to stop me. It's not like I'm being mean or whatever but I want to see this for myself. It's in Latin, great. I don't know Latin that well. A few words here or there but I'm definitely not Red's league or nothin. "What makes this spell so special?" I know it's a spell 'cause there's a list of ingredients and some of those words I actually understand. And this spell must be important to her for whatever reason or she wouldn't have magically highlighted it.

"It's not so special," she says and she sounds kinda nervous. Ya know, like she takes more breaths than she needs so her voice comes out all breathy and kinda quick. "Ok, so it's special because that's the only written copy of the spell in the world and I've been looking for it for a while but it's really nothing special." Hmm, what the fuck is up? Man, I really hope she isn't going back to dark magic. We've all heard the story of Dark Willow and I've seen what she gets like when she performs dark spells. It's never fun.

"This is a fertility spell," I say and my voice sounded all high pitched and my eyebrows are lost in my hairline. I know it's a fertility spell 'cause it's called Laetita Letitia, which is Latin for fertility, joy and richness. "Why are you lookin up fertility spells? Are you and Ken gonna have a baby?" As much as kids scare me, and by scare me I mean I have no fuckin clue how to act around 'em or talk to 'em, I'm getting a little excited at the thought of Red and Kennedy reproducing. I'd be badass Auntie Faith, letting the kid stay up hella late, letting it eat nothing but ice cream, and letting them watch R rated movies. Yeah, I'd be totally fuckin awesome.

"We've been talking about the possibility of maybe having a baby," she says and she sounds all excited and happy just like me. At least she did a second ago. Now she looks kinda sad. Oh man, I hope she isn't infertile or whatever the fuck it's called and that's why she needs the spell. "Tara and I used to talk about it sometimes whenever we fantasized about the future." Shoulda known that's what she was sad about. She always gets that look on her face whenever she thinks about Tara.

"We thought we had all the time in the world and neither one of us was ready to make that commitment. And after everything that happened in Sunnydale and moving here and settling down I kept thinking that there's just no time to waste with the kind of life we live. So I brought it up to Kennedy about a year ago, and she kind of panicked. The most she's ever had to take care of is a Pomeranian whenever her mom went out of town and didn't take it with her." I can't imagine Kennedy carrying around one of those girly-ass dogs.

"But when she helped stop the apocalypse, and she saw how badly hurt some of the girls were and how close she came to dying, she said it kind of opened her eyes to all of the things she doesn't want to miss out on and having a baby together is one of those things. So we're talking about it and I'm researching it." I can't wipe the huge smile off my face but I'm not really trying. Red's gonna be a mom, how weird is that? Not really weird at all, if you ask me. Out of everyone in the house she'd do the best job, that's for sure.

"So there's gonna be a little mini-slayer runnin around here," I say with that huge smile on my face and now she's smiling too. "Man, you two are gonna make some cute kids." A shot of panic runs through me and my body feels like it went cold for a few seconds. "Just don't tell B about this spell. She's practically making me wait for marriage before we get passed second, I don't need her knowin it's possible for two chicks to make a baby. I can barely keep my cactus alive, don't need to be responsible for another person."

"Don't worry," she says with a little smirk on her face. Whatever smartass, yuk it up. "I'll keep this knowledge to myself. Kennedy and I are nowhere near ready to have one yet, and we want to keep this to ourselves for now. Can you imagine how much pressure we would get if Dawnie found out we're thinking about trying? She would probably cast the spell herself and lock us in a room until one of us is pregnant." We both start crackin up at that. It's funny 'cause it's hella fuckin true.

"So we're good?" I ask when we stop laughing and the room got kind of quiet. "I mean, you're not gonna run from the room everyone I come around? B mentioned somethin about wanting to double date with you and Ken and that would be kinda hard to do without you there." She smiles and gets a little blush on her face. She's either thinkin about us bumpin uglies or she just realized how over the top she's been acting the last few days.

"Yeah, we're good. I'd hate to think of how whiney and pouty Buffy would get if we denied her a double date, especially since she won't let you get far enough to really cheer her up." She gets a little dirty smile on her face and I can't help but chuckle. Oh yeah, I totally missed this. Why was I being such a fuckin pussy about confronting her about this when there was so much to gain? I guess it doesn't fuckin matter now.

"She's definitely missin out on an awesome time, that's for fuckin sure," I say with a smirk and wiggle my eyebrows and Red gets another dirty smirk on her face but she goes back to cataloging the books Giles sent. That's probably gonna take all day and I don't wanna get roped into helping so I better get out now while I still got the chance. "Well I better go find Princess B and tell her we kissed and made up 'cause she's probably pace a hole in the floor waiting for one of us to fill her in."

"Ok," she says without looking up. "I wouldn't say that we kissed, though, since now you know how jealous she can be." I didn't even think about that. Good thing I got Red in my life. I'd totally be lost without her. I stand up and watch as she keeps writing. Fuck it, I love pushing boundaries and I'm not gonna stop being me just because I'm with B now. I walk around the table and lean down and when she looks up at me with that confused look on her face I softly kiss her on the lips. It only lasts a few seconds and when I pull back she's got a little blush on her face.

"That can be our little secret," I tell her with a little wink. She blushes some more and gets that dirty smirk on her face again. I turn around to walk away and I feel the sharp sting of her hand slappin my ass. She used magic to make it a little more painful. Payback for the kiss, that's what that was. I start walking up the stairs but before I open the door I turn back around and she's lost in her world of cataloging again. "Hey Red, what you saw when we kissed, it was fuckin hot, right?" I need to know. Now that I know there's something to know I can't not know.

"Faith, it was so hot even imaginary you was having trouble keeping up," she says without even looking away from her books. Damn, that sounds out of this world hot. I always had a feeling that if we hooked up it would be earth shattering and I guess I wasn't wrong after all. I better keep that little piece of info to myself, though, 'cause the last thing I need is B throwing another shit fit over something that hasn't even happened.


End file.
